I Cheated

Hi Blue -- Clearly there's something that's not working in your marriage. You may have broken it off with the other guy but you need to get this resolved. Would your husband be open to an open marriage? That could be great, and might actually save your marriage and spice up the sex life too. If not, i'd either fix your relationship or consider if you're only staying with him for the money and whether that's a good enough reason to stay. Good luck. If you want to chat, let me know. I haven't cheated on my wife but I've thought about it and I know about loving but imperfect relationships.

You need to be honest with yourself and your husband. It's one thing to have a fling, one night stand. Sex isn't love. But to cheat with your heart is bad. You can't love but one man you can have sex with lots of them. You stay with your husband for money not love. You need to be honest with yourself and honest with your husband. If you want love you will have to leave him to get it. Now you are in love with his money. You are having sex for money. What's that called? Oh yeah it's what you would call me but I don't take anything for sex.
Yes I have cheated with a number of men but my heart stays at home. I'm a nympho. I know you can't understand that. I can't get enough sex one man can't handle we. But I love my husband with all my heart.

I found your story very similar to mine. Thank you for sharing and I will take a lot of this with me on my journey.

So why exactly did you cuckold your husband? Seriously. Because he was working and traveling? What need other than intimacy did you get fulfilled? You married your husband for a reason. If you tell your husband you will have destroyed any trust he has in you and will most likely end your marriage. You are going to have to make peace with yourself and make the commitment to never cheat again if you truly want to keep you marriage and relationship with your husband healthy.

Either you commit to your husband and your marriage 100% or you don't. It's that simple.

My wife had at least two affairs before I found out.. I understand how you must feel. Your husband must never find out.. Stay with him..just a bump in the road..

i no how you feel i am the same feeling lost lonely craving and guilty and always wanting more

You have to make a choice. You not only your husband that but yourself that as well.One thing that a noted relationship psychologist recommends: DO NOT TELL HIM. This puts your guilt onto him. What is he going to do with that? You want forgiveness? Understanding?



And if you want to continue with the marriage, then how is he ever going to trust you once you tell him? How can you prove that you are trustworthy? You need to prove that to yourself first and only.

YOu used to hate cheaters right? Yet you succumbed to becoming one. it's really hard to say no to temptations but it's avoidable.
Well basically, the first step to avoid the problem is to first recognize that there is a problem. stop being indenial to yourself that you are not capable of cheating jsut because you hate cheaters.
It's really a matter of anticipating things intellectually. One can't really say no to temptations if u r facing it, no one has ever turned his back on temptations with his body facing it, you have to literally turn your back on them.

IF you know beforehand that this guy is really someone that you can't say no to and you feel that you might give into, on the onset you could have anticipated that and could have averted him so you would not come to the point where you cannot withdraw yourself and your feelings for him anymore.

It's a matter of saying NO BEFORE YOU GET to that "I can't turn my back on it anymore situation." rather that saying NO WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY THERE ON that "I can't turn my back on it anymore situation" where you already lost your power and right judgment to stay away from it.

hiii blueteacup, i advice you to tell the truth to u r husband....... or else start loving u r husband who really deserves true love.......

Sorry. Its going to hurt whichever way you go.

You're not a terrible person, you're human. But think about what you're doing, it's wrong. You need to make up your mind, because you can't be in a situation like that for long. Didn't you love your husband when you married him? All love passes through different stages and you don't know if you wouldn't be "bored" with this second guy after a few years. You know, what you're writing about him using you for your money and introducing you to his girlfriend - that's kind of disturbing. About true love/soulmates - I honestly don't know. Can you trust your feelings? Idk. But all I know is that couple of years ago I was INSANELY in love with this guy, and now I can't believe that I didn't see what a jerk he was. So IDK.

It all depends on how well you hold up family values, how you were raised to accepting these values..some of our parents were arraigned.but stayed till death did them apart.

maybe it's a good thing that ur splitting upaffairs sadden me, and it's really interesting to hear ur story I don't approve, but u seem nice, and I think u said talk to it husband, u don't have to tell him about the affair, but maybe spend more time with him, cuz him working a lot is probably the main reasonbest of luck

I did the same as you did, i lost my boy friend, forever...

I'll hold my hostility and just say one thing: when l found out my wife was cheating l lost my appetite for oral sex.

all over the world people fall in love and feeli guilty about it. this has been happening ever since our social structure was created. it will continue this way. it is up to us how we decide to live our life. Enjoy life the way you want ! (and be ready for the concequences)

I don't know why everyone is being so sympathetic with you. You put yourself in this situation and it's time you be honest with yourself and your husband. He might be able to easily help you make your decision. But do remember, just because everything is so great with this "Lover" of yours as you are cheating on your husband doesn't mean everything will always be so sweet when he is yours. Maybe once you are his he no longer finds you interesting because the "Chase" is now over. Maybe what he appears to be in the affair is just on the surface. Just some things to think about.
Affairs are always more exciting than married life. There are all the emotions that you talked about that make your clock tick. If you have a good husband, good life and financial security and love your husband I suggest you put the energy you are putting into your affair into your marriage and see where it goes before making a rash decision.
I separated from my wife in 2002 after 13 years of marriage and it only took me 6 months to realize that although the dates and the women I went out with were exciting that all put together I wasn't improving my life being with any one of those women over my wife. We got back together and have been together since and been married now for 23 years.

Hi blueteacup. I just want you to know that I know how you feel. it is not easy to be in this situation. I am kind of on the side of your affair partner though. Meaning that I was in same situation that he was. First off Let me explain how it all started. I was playing my favorite video game world of warcraft. I was on an over averagely sexual server playing with other people that were interested in sex. I was rooting through them looking for someone that wanted something else. I was not there for what most of them were I wanted someone to spend my time with. to be romantic with and not expect sex. I wanted romance. Someone messages me on the game one evening. They tell me that they have been keeping track of me and were interested in what I wanted. How was I to know that she would be the one I feel is my soul mate. Anyway she and I talk for hours and hours that night. Now by talk I just mean messaging on the game. We really get to know eachother and I realize she is the one I want for my romantic adventure. The next day we spend the whole day talking. I even ask her for her yahoo messenger so I can keep in touch with her from her phone. At the end of the day she tells me that she really thinks we have alot in common but she has a husband. they have been married for 7 years. They also met online through the dating site match.com She was living in california with him and she had a son (not related to her husband though) She tells me her age and its 43 which is 20 years older than I was at that time. I didn't care though. We started talking alot on yahoo messenger and she would say goodnight to me in the sweetest ways. We started to really get involved with eachother. She even had a bad night and took some diasapan (or however its spelled) with brandy and blacked out. She wasn't herself. It was at this point that I started to feel love for her. I cared about her safety so much that it made my heart hurt to know what happened. The next day I told her that I had feelings for her. She returned by saying she was feeling the same way for me. I asked her "what about you're husband though?" She replied with "I dont really know what I can say. I don't love him and I dont feel anything for him" He was 400lbs and could not have sex. She is a very sexual person by nature. One week goes by and she tells me to check my email.. I go to it and am surprised to see a mail from her with a video attached to it. It was a video of her ************ after her shower. At the end of the video she said something even more shocking. She said Jesse I love you. Then turned camera off. I wasn't sure what to do but it was too late for me. I loved it and it made me feel wonderful. to know how much she trusted me by doing something like that. I made a video that same day to reply to hers and sent it. From then on the relationship started going really great. We called eachother baby and love and would send lots of pictures and videos to eachother. Mostly non sexual. Like i made a video of me dancing to music in my kitchen while cleaning. She made a video of the kids in the school she worked at as she played with them. I even made a video of me singing our song Truly madly deeply by savage garden in its entirety. She thought that was amazing and beautiful. We did not go by one day without talking to eachother on the game. Then I did something. I bought a magic jack. She lived in the US and I in Canada and we were so far apart. The magic jack allowed us to call eachother. I changed the number to a California number. Every morning before work she would call me and we would talk for about 20 mins or till she was late for work. I am just like you're affair boyfriend in the sense that i don't have very much money myself. Anyway We started talking atleast 3 to 4 hours a day on the phone while she was at work. I didn't have a job at that point. We even would phone sex a bit. It was the first time that we both tried it and it felt amazing. I was a virgin at that time and so I found it new and invigorating. We started talking about being together and with everything we had in common we both thought we were soul mates and that we were meant to be together. November came along and we still could not get enough of eachother. Then one day She tells me that she wants to come here to canada. To be with me and she doesn't know how. I told her that she can come here. (I was living with my grandparents but I had my own upstairs completely) She said that she doesn't care anymore. She will send her son to Arizona to live with his grandparents while she comes here. She wouldn't tell anyone except her best friend Cheryl. She was for it though. She was kind of in same situation. November 14th She told me that she was going to take her husband's credit card and use it to buy the ticket and get on the plane for the 16th. I was so excited. I finally found the love of my life. I looked for tickets for her right away. We found one that was one way and would get her here. She would only be able to legally stay for 6 months on her passport but she was planning on staying for good. The 15th came and she was packing while her husband was at work. then she went and bought a walmart mastercard so she could pay for luggage and such. she had no cash. She got to airport and we stayed up all night talking while she waited for her flight. She had 1 layover. Philidelphia and then all the way here. She finally got here and my mom and I picked her up from airport (I cant drive) She and I looked right at eachother when we first met at arrivals. We ran to eachother like in a movie and kissed for about 10 minutes. it was beautiful I took her home and we started our new life together. You think that is the end of the story but no. this is where it begins. We started having sex that same day. for hours and hours. It was the best she has ever had she said. It was my first so it was new to me and I can't even explain how it felt. I was a 23 year old virgin with only research under my belt. Anyway as the weeks progressed we shared many amazing moments like christmas together, kissing under the mistletoe, putting up our own little tree, and so on. We were living on love. I had no money but we lived. We started to go through the new year together with her helping me get a job. I finally found one in february but I had to put in volunteer hours with them first which was fine. I loved having a job but hated that I had to be away from her. It was only 4 hours a day twice a week though. It came her birthday in march and I surprised her by making a teddy bear with my own hands that said I love you my soulmate. and her name at the bottom. I bought a kit for 80 dollars online. i't had a little locket that fit a tiny square picture. I put one of both of us kissing. It went around the neck of the bear. It was the most romantic gift she ever got. I also wrote her a beautiful love poem and framed it and put it by the bed on her side. I am a great poet In my opinion. I could not believe how much I loved her. Then april came. I had to start working full time 8 hours a day 6 days a week. I didn't want to though because I really didnt want to be away from her but we needed the money and it was that or no job. So I took it. Now let me explain how things were before the job. She and I would use eachother's cell phones. (we both had iphones) to play games, check mail, yada yada, There was complete trust. Then about a week after i started working full time I came home and I was going to use her phone to play a game that she had and I didn't. I noticed that she had an email so as I always do I checked it. It was from a guy that she use to know before we met. It plainly stated right in the email that they use to have "FUN" and that he was back (apparently he had some sort of emergency that made him lose all contact for a long time) She had never told me about this guy at all. But I looked at the email and it was a reply. She had emailed this guy in december of the year before. When she had first gotten here. It said that she misses talking to him and for him to get in touch and they will see where things go. She explained to him that she was no longer with her husband and had alot more freedom. His reply stated at the bottom "I cant wait for us to skype. Lets chat and even more ;) I brought it to her attention right away but i did not accuse her. I just asked how they knew eachother and what had happened between them. She said they use to cyber with eachother on webcam through skype when her husband was out of town. She stopped a couple months before we met. I was fine with hearing that. I told her that as long as he knows that It will not happen again I will be comfortable with them talking. She said thats exactly what i was going to tell him first. I believed her. The next couple weeks I would use her phone and I started discovering that she was becoming more private. Her email now was password protected, her text messages were all erased daily and her history was cleared often. I brought it to her attention and she claimed that she just wanted a bit of privacy and it wasn't a big deal. I gave her the benifit of the doubt and let her have her privacy. Then I came home early a day that week and surprised her. When I walked in she was emailing someone and I walked over and she clicked send really fast and put her phone into her pocket. I heard it send and asked her what it was. She said that it was nothing. I told her I heard it and that it was her email. She said it wasn't I knew that sound cus I had it on mine too. I asked her if I could see it and she changed her story to it was her mom and it was private. It was at this time I started to really get suspicious. It infuriated me to think she had come all this way just to cheat on me. I asked her if i could see it one more time and she got very defensive and started screaming at me. We started to fight more often after that. she started getting really defensive about everything and I could not make her happy. I thought at that point the relationship needed some working so I sat her down and we talked about communication and trusting. We talked for 4 hours about it and she cried alot. I told her she needs to be more open around me. I am not trying to hurt her. I just want us to have trust. I guess it didn't sink it because it kept happening after that. I found myself starting to try to catch her in the act. I would come home early more often to surprise her. she started to expect it and changed things around to accommodate. I had to change it up a bit. I just could not put my finger on it. she was definately doing something behind my back but I could not imagine her doing what I thought she was. The sex started go down. we started doing it once a week at the most and she would close her eyes when she did. We even stopped cuddling after because she said she felt too hot and needed a bit of space. August came and I just could not stay away from her knowing what she was doing so I requested that they finally put me onto part time. they wouldn't so I told them i needed to take a break for a bit to clear things up at home. I stopped working for 3 weeks. During that time I was always around her. She started going into the washroom for atleast 2 hours a day. She would bring her phone with her. EVERYWHERE and leave it in her pocket when she wasnt using it. She would tell me she was in there reading her book but I heard a few text messages ding while she was. She said they were from her book app and that I need to stop complaining. I knew what was going on at that time. I had to find out. I went onto her computer and I found out that she was using skype. I looked at her conversation and video archives. it showed literally video chat from about 20 mins after I would leave for work to about an hour before I would come home. there was no chat though. I confronted her and showed her. she claimed to be video chatting with her son and that i was jealous of him so she would do it while i was gone. I didn't believe it and so I asked her. "baby are you talking to another guy while I am at work?" she flipped so hardcore. she said that she could not believe I didn't have trust in her and I should be ashamed after what shes done for me. It made me feel really bad and ashamed so I dropped it. but the damage was done. We couldn't have a talk without arguing after taht. we would get eachother furious constantly. I had no trust in her anymore. She started telling me that she wasn't feeling anything for me anymore. We finally sat down a week before my birthday in september. I started working again but from 5am till 10 am thinking that she would be asleep when I go to work and i would be back before she woke up. It didn't work that way. She started staying up when I went to work saying she didn't want to sleep alone. I still felt that she was doing something behind my back. We sat down after a couple weeks and talked. I told her that if she wants out just tell me and I will get her a ticket to go. She thought about it and even considered it but she declined. she said she didnt want to. I told her that if she wants to stay she will have to go back to the way it was before. Being open and honest and allowing me to see what I want and I would do the same with mine. as if I wasn't already letting her see all of it if she were to ask.... She started a little bit to open up but not as much as before and she wasnt nearly as loving. There was no sparkle in her eye she once had for me. It was so sad to think how far this thing went and now it starts to crumble. I tried to do everything I could but she would not give me the love I once had from her. It was november and we were about to have our first anniversary of her coming into my life. She did not get me anything and I got a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a card I made myself with another love poem. I was pretty disappointed when she showed not much interest. Finally december came around and it was getting close to christmas. It was cold and we got lots of snow. We ended up talking again and she told me she missed her husband. She wanted to believe that she could maybe go back to him and make it work and by me standing in her way I am breaking that bond between a married couple and it is a sin. Being a christian I told her if that is what she wants then I will make it happen. She remembered she could not get sex from him so she re-thought her idea. She stopped talking about it. Then a week later when we went to get her pills renewed at the international clinic the doctor on call told her that she was having heart problems. it was a little slow. She started getting scared then we had a talk that night and she told me she needed to go back home so she can get things checked out. we had hardly any money and no way to pay for the doctor bills. She would go live with her mom and dad in california. We agreed on it and we started looking for a flight. We found one leaving on december 18th. just before christmas. I was so ad cus I would be alone again on christmas but I managed. The 18th we drove her to the airport. Her and I had started patching things up just before she left. a few days before. I helped her pack and I even let her take my DEEDEE which was my little stuffed teddy bear puppet I had since i was a baby. She let me keep alot of her jewelry and some of her clothes. I gave her my own suitcase that i bought at wal-mart so she could take more with her. I even paid for the extra baggage price. when she left she told me she had planned to come back as soon as she could and we would work things out and I was excited to hear that. We had talked about it alot the night before. She WANTED to come back. It felt like it did when she first got here again. It made my heart pound. She kissed me so hard at that departure line. I felt in love again. She broke down and cried as she walked through. I cried all the way home. she was suppose to text when she got to washington airport because they were having a huge snowstorm and i was worried. she didn't txt me and I waited and waited. I got nervous and even mailed her father who was picking her up on facebook. he told me that they hadn't heard from her either and the phone lines were down. I finally got a txt from her at 4am the next day which was 1am her time. she had said she arrived and was safe. Next day I found out that she wasn't able to text me very much. maybe once or twice a day till after her parents go to bed. they didnt like me because I took her away from them and ended her marriage. a week went by and It was christmas but I got no reply the whole day from her and she said she was going to call me. never did. I got a message finally the day after and then we started messaging a tiny bit per day. but she said she didn't want to talk to me on phone and not on skype because her computer was down. That night she said she was going to bed early cus she was tired as hell and I said ok. it was 7:30pm her time. I then saw her come on skype for about 5 seconds and then popped off. I txted her and she didn't reply. I told her that I saw her skype pop up and asked if she was up. no reply. I decided to give her the benifit of the doubt again and let it go. but the days kept getting shorter. she would go to bed at 7pm or even 6:30 one day. she would wake up at 10am her time the next day and still be tired. I knew she wasn't going to bed when she said to me she was and I knew her computer was fine. I then did something really bad. I remembered her password for her texting application on her phone cus I was the one that set it up for her. I got her email address of the app when she txted me and I put the info into the website and it allowed me to get into the app from my computer. I saw it all. all the texts she got from a guy in colorado. all the disgusting sexting and mushy stuff they sent back and forth. It was horrible. my heart fell out of my chest that day. I just stopped right there. i stopped replying to her texts. I stopped thinking about her. (well not really) I never confronted her at all. I just stopped. it was her. there was even pictures she sent him of her ************ and and he sent some to her too. Since then I have not talked to her. it has been 4 days since I said a word. This is my story. It is the story of heartache and betrayal. I truly wish I could go back and not help her cheat on her husband. I wish I never had met her. I would love to hear a reply back to this if you would like and I can give you some advice on what to do

I have a similar thing going on. its hard to get your head round it and impossible to explain.

I am in a similar situation to yours. I can relate as to how your feelings are tearing you apart. Yet, I too keep going back. I can't offer you any advice as if I had any I would use it first, haha. Please at least know that you are not alone, and that this situation will not last either. I am starting to think that maybe there is no ideal decision as no matter what happens you will always have regrets of some sort. Maybe we should both enjoy the ride and let the chips fall where they will.

You are not bad, evil, completely in the wrong, or anything. You are simply "guilty" of being human. And, no matter how much you think you love the new guy, think long and hard BEFORE you do or say anything which could not be easily fixed. Are you SURE you LOVE the new guy or might be simply behaving a very good time? Do you want to go through all of the troubles of making a new life with this new guy? Will it be worth it? And finally, are you in love with the new guy or are you in love with the differences? I'm sorry if I'm raining on your parade but there is MUCH more at stake here than YOUR "happiness". Please think VERY carefully about it

It's time for you to decide what you really want. You can't have the best of both worlds.

I say it is a good excuse to take a break from your affair. Did you not want him to move on with his life? Well here is your chance. Let him go.Spend NYE with your husband. You can't be ignoring the money part especially since you don't work and your lover is broke. Give him some time to make his money first. Give him and yourself a few months.Don't jump into anything.Maybe he will come back to you, maybe he won't but you would have not have given up a life you have built for so long chasing a dream... a dream that is not there yet.