I know what i did was completely horrible and just disgusting
The fact that i dont feel as bad as i should makes me despise myself more
Justifying anything in conflict to moral judgement is disgusting
I know what i should do: tell juan the truth. Everything. Spit out everything to him.
Every lie, every emotion, everything i had to keep to myself
I hate that people tell me they wont use me and at the end they always do.
Everyone ive fully trusted has done it.
Hes using me to keep our stupid mistake(s) hidden. He used me to relieve stress from work. He doesnt even care about me
Im stupid to even think of him as much as i do.
The worst part i just keep picturing the both of us together, like its a ******* novel.
I hate that i have to lie to juan. I hate that hes making me do this. I hate that he doesnt even care to check up on me like i do to him.
Yea, yea, hes busy. He has a life, a job and oh i forgot, a girlfriend
I'm just angry cause he doesnt make me as important as i make him in my mind.
But what am i gonna do?
I already know the answer to that
Forget, and move on
It will be easier once i enter high school and i have more to do.
But for now, i cant do anything but replay the memories in my head and criticize myself for it
He doesnt care about me. I guess that just means i have to stoping caring as much as i do.
I never stop loving someone. No matter who it is.
I really do love him in a friendship-we slept together 3 times- way.
I suppose, in 4 years ill understand his position better. Maybe in 4 years i wont even remember him.
I hope i do
I dont want to forget him
And thats the main problem
gugly14 gugly14
16-17, F
2 Responses Aug 29, 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this because I know how I feels. It feels like I wrote this myself.

Youve cheated?

Yeah and this is my first time admitting it because I can't stop thinking about it. My fiancé always told me the one thing that is the WORST is cheating because every other girlfriend he had has cheated. There's nothing wrong in our relationship, so no reason why I would do it and I feel like I keep doing it to. It was maybe 3 weeks ago now, we didn't sleep together but messed around... And now we have feelings for each other, at least we think we do. I keep seeing him in secret for an hour or so and nothing happens but the fact that it's a secret makes me feel worse. It sucks because I don't want to stop. But I do.

We should talk in private

Sad :(