The Guilt Doesn't Go Away...ever

i cheated on my boyfriend of three years with my best friend.

this was three months ago. I feel like i destroyed my entire life and can not get past the guilt and pain of losing someone who i still love deeply. The guilt is like hell because regradless of what i do--i know that i caused all of this and deserve to be unhappy with the world i created. I've lost someone due to my foolish, selfish actions.

the worst part is i don't even remember why i did it. it was so out of character and so not me. it was like another person stole my body and mind. of course i am bipolar, but to me that doesn't feel like an excuse.

None of it matters anyway, I've made my bed and now i can lie in it.

shnufairy shnufairy
7 Responses Mar 12, 2009

People often stray because there is something lacking in their relationship. You weren't happy enough to make it work before it got to the point of cheating, so don't look down upon yourself for doing something to change the situation.

I do not condone cheating, I as well have strayed and lied in my bed.
However, people often look at the past fondly when they make mistakes.. "if only i hadn't done this", "if only i had stopped to think".. "i wish i would have known"...
but the truth is, the only real reason you are so sad now is because you don't have that person there for you anymore.

But it's true what "The Departed" mentioned.. you have a clean slate and it's time you found out who you are.. because it sounds like that might still be unclear to you.
Be happy in what you do. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is that we learn from them.

Take Care


I cheated on my significant other of eight years with a man for over a year.... I know exactly what you're going through.

You're right that the guilt never goes away... if you remain with the person you cheated on. You're fortunate in the fact that you are now without the person you cheated on, since he was only your boyfriend and not your husband, or the father of your children. Working out the trust issues with another person.... is a VERY hard road of healing.

Look on the bright side... you now have freedom and a blank slate. Take comfort in the fact that you've learned your lesson. Make a resolution not to lie or be that way towards anyone ever again. And move forward with confidence. You will find love with someone else. Don't sell yourself short.

Best of luck for the future.

Its not the end of the world though it may seem so! Allow yourself to heal and move on. You are young! Good luck

i know its hard to accept it. and i never cheated on a boyfriend, but i have lied to men about my mental condition when they start to pursue me and i feel extremely guilty because i think i lead them on and even sleep with them when all i really want is to run away, its only happened two times and the second one is still fresh. i did it because i felt pressured to handle things like normal people do, so i hide the fear and the reluctancy to really give in. i think i pretend way beyond my means and the fact that i did this again makes me feel abandoned, destroyed and sad..dont be afraid to cry cuz thats all ive been doing lately and it seems to calm me down. its really hard to forgive yourself, but if you truly repent i think you can find the road to some peace.

im in the same situation ive done the same thing,i love my bf so much but he acts like a little boy i started talking to another guy in another country and fell for him,because i get confused about my bf sometimes i wanna say forget it but i cant even though he had cheated on me lots of times he hit me and he left me for another girl burt he got his karma and came back,im not in any way justifying my cheating or whatever im doing lol by telling about his faults but i know how you feel its a scary feeling because you dont know why you did it,i cant tell you to tell him or not bc i havent told my bf....but in any case if u ever want to talk feel free to message me

thanks for your support.

i am not saying you shouldnt tell your significant other but sometimes telling the truth really does more harm then good. you learned from your mistake. youll never do it again now. take that lesson and move on it doesnt mean you love your other half any less so dont question that. you messed up you learned its over move on <br />
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i wish you lots of luck in whatever decision you make

I think you shouldn't tell someone you cheated on them, it just makes it more painful and worse. Some things are just better left unsaid. What you can do is give up your cheating ways for good and work on being a better gf/wife to the person you are with for all time.

This is a complex issue with me, because sometimes one may even cheat on someone who cheated on them and come to believe their actions were "justified." I once had reason to believe I had been cheated on, in fact given the signs at the time.... I probably was. I almost lost my bf for pointing it out in fact. So, what did I do? I forgave, I held my tounge and hoped that it wasn't true and my bf would realize I am the only one he wants or needs to be with in that respect. Low and behold, he did realize! Can't say I have seen any signs of cheating since and that was years ago. So, what did I learn? If you have love, you have forgiveness for a person. If someone refuses to forgive you, that person may as well be less than a friend. This being considered, do you really want to be with a person if they can't forgive you and the mistakes you made? Maybe this parting of ways was for the best.