I Will Harm Myself to Save Myself....

I realized before this encounter that I have problems having the correct emotion in different situations. Sometimes I will beat myself with the emotions to the point I think I really do feel it. The sex I had with him was amazing. Simply amazing. It fulfilled the need I had for the passion that was so lost. I cheated, but I do not feel guilty. I know I should feel "guilty" and I hate that I don't. I am finally satisfied sexually. I finally connected again after feeling disconnected. I feel like a had the best drug trip ever, because I am so high on the satisfaction it brought to me.

I was distant from my husband because of his lack of affection and sex towards me. I grew to resent him so much for making me suffer. I felt unwanted, rejected, pathetic, and just angry. In getting satisfied by someone else sexually I was able to release the resentment I had for my husband, and focus on the things that make me happy with him. I know it may sound strange, but it is true. I DO love my husband. I do not believe that a cheater is incapable of being in love with their partner, and have sex with someone else. I know some of you don't think it is true, even though I believe it is. I think that it is especially true when a spouse is not giving you the things needed to meet a fully satisfying relationship. It is unfair to the spouse that suffers. We can talk and yell all we want about how things aren't going well and what needs to be changed , but this whole " you are stuck with me so deal with it" mentality from a spouse is not right.

Cheaters get yelled at for being a scumbag, ****, *******, the worst kind of person, but why does all the blame go to the cheater? Was it really all their fault?

I am a good person. I love hard. I care hard.... I hurt hard. I will give the shirt off my back for my enemies. I will kiss a poisonous snake if it needed to be loved.

I will put myself in harms way, to save myself.... I know it is a contradiction, but that is my life and it is the truth. I walk a life with risks, so that I might be able to feel something....

I will harm put myself in harms way to save myself.... that is how i live.

ItsALongStory ItsALongStory
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 29, 2009

The world needs more jizzz swallowing cuntwhores. Its the virgins that need sacrificing.

I had an experience in the past very similar to yours. I didn't believe in cheating. And I still don't. But I was unhappy in my long-term, committed relationship. At first it was just going out more with the girls, and that progressed to dancing with other men, which in turn led to new friendships with those men. Then one of those men fell for me. I rejected him many times, but it felt so good for someone to care and want me in an emotional and carnal fashion that eventually all bets were off. I took the chance and eventually I was caught. <br />
It was horrible. I regret it. But I don't blame myself for it anymore.

Nonsense, BestPla<x>yer. If your spouse is a bad cook, you don't feel bad about cooking yourself or eating out. If your needs are not being met, you just take care of them.

how can somebody call cheating a bold step , if ur spouse not giving what he should u need to work it out & if he is not willing to work on it let him know what is coming , but when u cheat it is back-stabbing & disrespect no matter how bad a person he might be .<br />
<br />
In fact every cheater comes up with reasons & justifications for cheating , being proud of it & not feeling guilty at all. <br />
<br />
cheating on someone's partner & claim to love him/her is fake , though not loving does not necessarily makes u a bad person .

You have put into words what I have been feeling for years.<br />
<br />
Enjoy<br />

Not meaning good you cheated...but good that you are being honest with yourself. I make no judgements on whether or not cheating is right.

Wow. Powerful story and you speak a lot of truth. I think it's great you know yourself well enough to get your needs met and can see how it is enriching your marriage too. I wonder how your husband would react? I too live in a marriage that you describe but I haven't taken the bold step you have although I admit I am considering it. It is unfair to the spouse that suffers and our cultures warped view of marriage doesn't help. So good for you.