I Will Harm Myself to Save Myself....
I realized before this encounter that I have problems having the correct emotion in different situations. Sometimes I will beat myself with the emotions to the point I think I really do feel it. The sex I had with him was amazing. Simply amazing. It fulfilled the need I had for the passion that was so lost. I cheated, but I do not feel guilty. I know I should feel "guilty" and I hate that I don't. I am finally satisfied sexually. I finally connected again after feeling disconnected. I feel like a had the best drug trip ever, because I am so high on the satisfaction it brought to me.
I was distant from my husband because of his lack of affection and sex towards me. I grew to resent him so much for making me suffer. I felt unwanted, rejected, pathetic, and just angry. In getting satisfied by someone else sexually I was able to release the resentment I had for my husband, and focus on the things that make me happy with him. I know it may sound strange, but it is true. I DO love my husband. I do not believe that a cheater is incapable of being in love with their partner, and have sex with someone else. I know some of you don't think it is true, even though I believe it is. I think that it is especially true when a spouse is not giving you the things needed to meet a fully satisfying relationship. It is unfair to the spouse that suffers. We can talk and yell all we want about how things aren't going well and what needs to be changed , but this whole " you are stuck with me so deal with it" mentality from a spouse is not right.
Cheaters get yelled at for being a scumbag, ****, *******, the worst kind of person, but why does all the blame go to the cheater? Was it really all their fault?
I am a good person. I love hard. I care hard.... I hurt hard. I will give the shirt off my back for my enemies. I will kiss a poisonous snake if it needed to be loved.
I will put myself in harms way, to save myself.... I know it is a contradiction, but that is my life and it is the truth. I walk a life with risks, so that I might be able to feel something....
I will harm put myself in harms way to save myself.... that is how i live.