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UGH... Regret!

I have been with my boyfriend and father of my son for about 14 months now. Out of those 14 months we have only been together physically for about 2 1/2 months (not just sexually but because he was in jail) and I cheated on him twice. He is SO in love with me and I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to hurt him but I know if he ever found out later he would be even more crushed. He wants to get married and everytime he says things about that I just get depressed. He is out of state and finally got out of jail a couple days ago. He wants to come up here and start our family off better.... I know I ruined any good trust we would ever have had. I feel like seriously giving up because I feel like we'll have never ending trust issues. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. I know I am going to tell him but I don't even know where to begin to tell someone something like that. I put myself in this situation though. I SO wish I wouldn't have. :(

desolate0creek desolate0creek 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 16, 2009

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think of how he'll feel if he finds out months from now, by someone else. even more heartbroken than if you told him yourself, now. i would tell him. you never know how itll turn out. but its best to be honest.

This may sound dishonest but, if you don't plan on cheating on him anymore then why tell him? I 'm not saying what you did was right but if you did this, then maybe you should carry the burden. What is your reason what revealing this to him, to clear you conscience and make yourself feel better? Why inflict this pain on him when he didn't do anything to deserve this. In a way its like when he was in prison paying his debt to society. Maybe this is your debt and you have to carry it.

That's a really good outlook actually. I found out he was cheating on me A LOT when he wasn't in jail and even got a few girls pregnant. I ended up telling him but this was before I knew that he was completely unfaithful and unregretful. Life is just crazy. You gotta look at all views before making ANY decisions.

It would only help by telling him if he could find out another way. I think it would only be wrong NOT to tell if you think it could happen again. <br />
My husband was caught by me. I had no idea. It would not have hurt for me not to know. Under the circumstances though; he should have known I would find out.<br />
Do what is best for him; not you.

It isnt ok to let him know, its only human to fail. You seem to love him too, so dont tell him, he may never find out. If you tell him, what ever is left of the trust will be gone, I know about the threat feeling that he will find out someday, calm down, trust me he wont. Do not allow yourself to be crushed by guilt. I know you are being urged to tell to 'clear' your guilt. But it doesnt work that way, you will create more harm than good by telling.