Longing To Be Thin....

Hi my name is Kendall, I am 21 years old and a mother to one beautiful little girl. I have struggled with weight all my life, choosing sometimes to exercise and eat right but I never saw the results I wanted. I would then give up and binge again. During my pregnancy, I was extremely depressed because of all the weight I was gaining and I felt like I was losing control completely. Well my daughter is 2 1/2 now, and I am down to 220 from 245 in that time period. My lowest weight was at 17 yrs old.. 144 lbs.  Which wouldnt have been bad had I been taller than I am. At only 5 foot 2,so I looked much heaver than that.


I have lost ten pounds very quickly within the last 3 weeks by eating only 1 small meal per day .Now Ive cut back even more calories over the last  week. It seems to be working to shrink my stomach because I am not very hungry and I have only had 500-600 cals per day for the last 4 days. That would have made me miserable in the past. My goal is to stop eating completely, except for maybe a piece fruit before work to help the lightheadedness.


When I crave something that's bad for me and I just can't resist, ( that's my problem, I need more self control) I will take a bite, savor it slowly, and then spit it out. Then I rinse my mouth with water between each bite. When I am sure all food particles are free of my mouth, I will take a large gulp of water so I feel full faster. It kinda tricks my mind into thinking I have eaten and the hunger is less. Then I chew a sugar free piece of gum or brush my teeth because the minty flavor helps my hunger (plus it never hurts to have fresh breath!) I will make up excuses not to eat if theres no way I can hide my spitting .Although sometimes It is easy to discreetly spit your food into a napkin even if someone else is in the room. Just wait til they are not watching and then do your thing.


 I am so sick and tired of being the fat one. I am tired of never getting respect because I made careless choices to repeatedly stuff my face when I knew it was making me fat. I don't want to hear " You have such a pretty face, if you lost weight you would be a knockout." I dont want to hear everyone laughing about me behind my back. I don't want the guys to choose 'that skinny girl' over me ANYMORE! Please you guys help me to discipline myself and become as beautiful on the outside as I know I am on the inside.
lovesfun21 lovesfun21
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 13, 2010

If anything I would want to help you discipline yourself to eat the way you should. We're not going to help you kill yourself, and I understand if you get upset at me over this because that is your daughter and you're a mother but you do NOT want to leave your daughter motherless because you starved yourself to death.