I Know Many Would Disagree...

i know that many people would disagree with choosing friends over family and that family would always come first, but i don't think like that, my friends always come first, cos they've showed that they really do care about me, which is more than can be said for my family.
sezy sezy
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2007

Lynn, unfortunately I have to disagree. I am 51 and in the process of "choosing my family". And that choice now is majority friends. I was raised by a family loving, event coordinated Mother. When I was around 2 my Father was in the army stationed in Tacoma, WA. My Mother and I continued living in WI until my Father made arrangements for our move. We lived there only until my Fathers honorary discharge and back to WI we went. My Father absolutely loved WA and the friends we made out there. Especially one family that became our family out there. But it was not enough for my Mother, thus our trek back to WI. As I am sadly finding out my Mother was the glue that held her family together. My Mother passed in 1979 at her own hands. She had 2 Brothers and 3 Sisters. All family events were planned and coordinated thru her. And they ALWAYS worked out. It was amazing. Ever since her passing the family get togethers have become less and less and each event have less and less to attend. <br />
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Here is where you are wrong. You are generalizing the family nucleolus. Nucleolus being, Mother, Father, and 2.5 kids...wrong. I married late in life and was too late to have children. Now I'm 51, no kids, no grand kids. It's just me and my Husband. I have a great Husband but that is not enough. And society has forgotten us...or better said, family has forgotten us. When in our position you tend to reach out to your extended family (especially when you've lost both parents and Grandparents by the age of 36), Cousins, Aunts and Uncles. I have been reaching out to these people with little success. And quite frankly I'm hurt and tired of trying...for years. I would find it a great joy if given the same effort I put into it.

You may be at a stage in your life in which valuing friends over family is very much normal, particularly if you have a dysfunctional family. In fact, it may seem that your friends ARE your family. Hopefully though, when you create your own family (have a spouse, or a spouse and kids, or even just kids) you will choose family over friends -- because you have a commitment and a responsibility to these individuals. You may even discover that having a family is a great joy, and you value them more than than those friends who like you will be moving into different directions in their lives.