Lies Ans Pain.

My story would take for ever but in brief I have lived in a sexless marriage for 16 months. 
My marriage has been plagued with problems but I chose to try and overcome these as I knew my husband loved me and I loved him and we led a good life traveling and enjoying the same things. This is my second marriage my first ended because my husband traveled the world with his job and I was lonely it was a mutual decision and we remain good friends and both shared the responsibilities of our three children.
I was never 100% about getting married again but we loved each other and my husband wanted to be a family and feel secure in that his family was never loving or caring and he wanted to feel part of his own he had been in a marriage he never wanted and had a son he left when his son was 2 and had limited contact the divorce was messy no love lost there. We had lived together for seven and a half years so we had a lavish wedding built our own house      
and things were good then the lies started if I am honest I had been doubting him for years but he is a good liar and can look someone in the eyes when telling his lies.
Things came to a climax when I was called at work by my husband to tell me to go home the police had raided our house I was horrified and wanted to be sick with humiliation  and just sheer horror to cut a long story short two and a half years ago he was sentenced to two years imprisonment. He had not paid the mortgage and was 10k in arrears the people who worked for him came to my business and of course wanted wages I had my own business it supported me and my youngest daughter I employed another eight people. I took the decision to leave my business in the hands of my manager and took a project on to refurbish a restaurant for my husbands business as this would yield more income that was needed, I found there was no money in the business and no money in his accounts things looked dire I felt like running away to top it all I had a phone call from a women's daughter wanting to know where my husband was and telling me he was obsessed with her mother and they had been discussing me and laughing about me he had promised her everything and she knew things only he could have told her more shock.

I hated visiting in prison he was in for receiving stolen goods, it was the most degrading and humiliating thing being searched eyed up etc. I confronted him and said if he told me lies I would walk he said he had never slept with her and was sorry same story he wrote letters saying how sorry he was for all the pain and things he had done over the years and declared his undying love and how he would change and looked forward to making everything up to me. when i saw him in there he looked vulnerable so I supported him and with all the work I had the time passed and he came out for a day release we had a wonderful day and I took him to see the job I was doing he did't interfere which surprised me so I thought he had changed and respected me he had weekend visits after that and we had good times doing simple things and just enjoying each other. He was released on tag but had to go back in because the tag did not work in our house (another story) he then came out May 09 we went away and had a good holiday sex was good although he had a few problems nothing too bad then the sex stopped he started going out not coming in not working hanging out with people he had met inside, secret phones calls to other women, now he doesn't't speak to me stays out all night or all weekends, he has had no work but gets up early every morning and the earliest he comes home is around 9.30.p.m. I thought he was just going through a stage because his manhood and pride was damaged and time would heal but I am so hurt that I have loved and supported him putting my own life on hold and my business at risk for him now to treat me like this I don't understand we have no physical contact there is no tenderness and he will not talk about things I discussed divorce and now he says he wants half of everything I have, my property and my business I had before we married and to which he has made no contribution. I am sitting here on my own he has gone out I asked where he was going he said out I get so angry I could kill him if it wasn't't for the fact that I love my children so much I could. People say I am a strong woman but all I want is to be happy , treated like a woman and enjoy my family and house. I am older now but I know I am still attractive my daughters ask me why I stay when I could have anyone and make a new life I can't give them a sensible answer I think I need answers myself some sort of closure, a liar never gives closure do they.    .  
moontears moontears
51-55, F
9 Responses Sep 11, 2010

I agree with all the above. GET OUT NOW!!!! He doesn't have to get half of everything. A good atty can protect your interests. But, worst case scenario- if he gets half now, it will be a small price to pay for your freedom and your life. A man like that is no man at all.

I agree that this man has treated you horribly and is not to be trusted. Do not beat yourself up for taking him back as some people can put on the charm to get what they want. Most of us want to believe the best in people. Get your financial affairs in order legally and make a plan concerning your physical safety. Having peace of mind and self respect are key to living a happy life. This man gives you neither. <br />
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If he shouts at you and tries to fool you with more lies, get out of the house and go somewhere where you can gather your thoughts and be safe. Any attorney who sees his track record will surely have ways to protect your finances. Most con artists can be very charming but he has shown you who he is. Believe him for he had an opportunity to change and rejected it. Be safe, be wise, and be determined. The world is full of good men who would treat you with respect and not abuse your kind hardworking nature. Peace and kind wishes for a better life. D.

thank you for your kind words he has been out since Saturday morning and I am sitting here reflecting dreading him telling me more lies and shouting but I will keep in mind your kind thoughts and stay calm.

Like most of us, you have trusted the person supposed to be closest to you. HE has abused this trust. Despite your best efforts, he continues to abuse this trust. His period of incarceration appears to have had no effect on him - so it is very doubtful that anything you do or say will influence him IMO. . . . <br />
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I TOTALLY agree with the other posters - get yourself legal protection ASAP. <br />
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But do not blame yourself for trusting your husband - in a marriage this is what you are supposed to be able to do. No-one here will judge you badly for this. Instead you will find caring and support here.<br />
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And I think Rob (Morph) makes a very good point. He sounds like he may well have psychological issues - "pathological liar" comes to mind! So DO be sure to take steps to ensure your physical safety as well as your financial security.<br />
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Am I such a fool because with these comments I feel one I haven't even scratched the surface of what he has done

Get a good lawyer IMMEDIATELY. Please, please take care of yourself. If you are in any doubt WHATSOEVER of how mentally stable he is, get help. You MUST ensure your own safety and that of your children. Financially, it might cost you, but it will be worth every penny to be rid of such a toxic influence on your life. If he is even a fraction as bad as you make out in your story, he isn't even worth a single look back.<br />
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This story seems just about as "black-and-white" as it gets.<br />
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As MR says - get good advice soon. There are many people here on ILASM who are wise and very well informed. Good luck.

I second MR. He has a proven record of deceit. You deserve better. I hope we can help. good luck to you.

Moontears....see a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. You sound like a hard-working woman. He is a scumbag. But you know that already. Soon, you too will end up in jail, financial jeopardy or worse.<br />
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Stay close to ILIASM. It totally helps. You'll just have to get used to the frankness and directness of some of the frequent posters.