Find It Harder Every Day

I am faithful now in a completely sexless marriage. I find that to continue to do that is becoming increasingly difficult. Unfortunately, I have to depend on my wife's income. So, I cannot leave. I really do not want to hurt her by having an affair. So, I am kind of stuck in this situation. I an 62 years old and feel that time is running out to have my needs filled that my wife will not satisfy. I do not know what to do.
OutOfPatience OutOfPatience
61-65, M
7 Responses Aug 5, 2011

Well I'm not going to be as nice as the others here. You have choices. You do NOT have to depend on your wife's income, you are just choosing to do so.
There are choices out there financially that I am sure you could live with but you have chosen not to live that way.

Sexless marriages are hard, I am in one. We cannot pretend that it will change because it will not. We just have to either find a way to live with being sexless or get out of the marriage.

I will tell you from experience. Hiring a professional or going outside a marriage is not a very good answer. In fact it was the dumbest thing I have ever done. Just take the pain you are going through and add guilt to it.

Good Luck

I swear I could have wrote that same exact thing!

OK, I KNOW exactly where you are coming from. What is happening with me is I am choosing to recognize his positive actions and tell him I APPRECIATE him. We are connecting more and critisizing less. I look forward to the time when sex will happen. An affair will temporarily satisfy you...contemplate this only as cause & effect...NO GUILT!!! I watched a movie, "The Story of Us"...changed my attitude. He and I have an irreplaceable history. I can only change me. In the meantime, satisfy yourself...get a GOOD vibrator or doll or whatever and fantasize if you want; WITHOUT GUILT!!!

Yours is a difficult situation, like anyone, you have very human needs and desires. Have you spoken to her about this? Are you in fear that she'd divorce you? I'm not going to advocate an extra-Marital affair BUT it is really the only thing which will preserve your sanity. There are women out there in the exact same situation as us men so you might think of befriending one of them but make very sure that you are completely honest with her from the start and both of you are "on the same page".

There are times I am so close to just saying forget it I'm gone, or finding someone to meet my needs physicaly. I work but don't make enough to live independent from my husband. The fear of hurting my family, plus my religious beliefs keep me from pursuing an affair. So I am trapped!
I completely get what you are facing! There are no answers! If you are like me you have talked, and talked, and talked. They just don't listen!

Easy: reconcile yourself to not having your sexual needs fulfilled. Happens as the time, bro--not just with sex, with everything. Telling yourself that "time is running out" only makes it worse. Of course time is running out--it is on everything. Chasing fleeting moments ever more frantically isn't the way out of that particular dilemma.

Wish could suggest you something - try to talk to her and find out if it can be worked out. I have given up hope for my case. My crime was I preferred to be faithful... anyway! Talk may be you'll find something