Another Point Of View

I got involved in a marriage for all of the wrong reasons and have stayed in it.  I felt pressured by a religious situation to get married and I met someone  with the same religious pressure  who was so desperate to get married that she misrepresented who she was to me.  And me, being new to the situation believed her when she refused my suggestion to be engaged for at least a year, and told me that in the church you should only be engaged for three months.  I fell for it and found out that she not only was not any of the things that she said she was, but she was just waiting to get married to gain back the 100 lbs. she had lost to try and attract someone,  Here I am 16 years later in a sexless marriage with no intimacy, by my choice because I am the one who does not feel in the least bit compelled to be intimate with this person and haven't for years.  The only redeeming factor is that I have a beautiful 14 year old daughter who I don't want to hurt by our getting divorced until she is at least 18.  I know this is my own fault, but I have remained faithful all of this time.  It is getting harder by the day now as I am traveling for work and meeting many people.  I guess that is why I am on a site like this to get this off of my chest.
blaze3 blaze3
56-60, M
6 Responses Aug 23, 2011

I'm sorry to hear about that stay strong, I'm the same way I think about cheating it make me feel like revenging for myself, but when it comes to action I chicken out ... Something is wrong with me I just hate to be someone else side ***** or maybe I'm afraid to turn him on like my husband What if it was all me ??

My situation is virtually identical to yours. I've not divorced because I feel i need to be there to give my kids a decent up bringing. My spouse does not come from an educated background, and I feel if I left my kids would not get as good as education as I'd hope for.<br />
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My choices are - go through the motions, or to put it bluntly have an affair. I don't think I could remain celebate (even though intimacy with my partner is more like chore).<br />
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TBH I feel I was kind of duped into marriage - and the only thing keeping me going are my kids.

At the end of the days nobody will give you a medal for self sacrifice, nobody even will say- Thanks for your effort!<br />
It is self distraction and damaging for your own mental and physical health... I personally only see sense of being faithful in loving relationship... I do not understand being faithful just for the name of it and at price of own health and sanity... Good luck to you!

Poor guy;(

Well Iam divorced now and do not have that problem, And it was not my chose to get the divorce. Every year from day one there was less and less sex, Mid way in our 29 years of marriage both of us started going to church and became born again christians, we had one son, and after that no sex at all, so 15 years now OUCH! felt compelled tostay together for our son and also for what the bible teaches on the subject of divorce. 3 years ago she filled the papers and she has become Glad to not have me. I hate to see any family broke up. I don't miss living with her, but I sure do miss my son, Sense the D. I have not had one argument with anyone about anything, Have not heard any daily put down comments, But it is a tough call, I think if I was you I would not have an affair, but to fill the paper work then become officialy single, then fine a real good woman, because later on when you do meet someone special , one of the first things you will be ask by a woman is were you unfaithful while you were married, The real issue is TRUST, & keeping your word. Play it Smart and live well Longer

What happens after the divorce is a good reason to remain faithful during the rough time leading up to the end. Well stated.

I've given this more thought and I don't think I would have any problem answering the faithful question with....after eighteen year of a sexless marriage and six year trying to work with her and a therapist, it happened.

It's your choice, your life and what suits one person does not necessarily suit another. You will decide when the time is right to make a move. I very much understand how you feel. I remained faithful for fifteen years. It's good to get these things off your chest, as you say, there a lot of people on this site who are in a similar predicament. You can meet them over at "I Live in a Sexless Marriage" which is the largest group on the site. Good luck.