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Making Love To Myself!

I married a man that obviously only wanted me to bare his child. He stopped wanting to have sex with me after he got me pregnant. That was almost three years ago. I cried and suffered. I wanted to get married and have a healthy sex life. I wondered why is this happening to me? Why should I allow him to deprive me of something that is good for me? I decided although he doesn't want to make love, I still can. I decided to buy some toys. Climax is good for your heart, and I had been having heart trouble although I am only 30. Heart attack actually kills more women than breast cancer. I thought, "I don't need to wait on someone else's approval. I can love myself."

I bought a couple of vibrators for myself, so I could have some variation. He can keep his hose tied in a knot if he chooses. I can make love to myself. I deserve it, and I have no problem jumping my own bones!

TrulyWhinehouse TrulyWhinehouse 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 30, 2012

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I have the same problem and I also bought me some toys sometimes I chat and no he don't know but we haven't lived together for 2 years but I feel like its not right to have a affair

It is a lot safer and you are satisfied afterwards.

Does he know?


He sure does. He told me he did not want to have nasty things in our house and I was not allowed to have them. I still bought them anyways. He seems to have gotten over his initial outrage.

Well, I have a similar situation.
I'm thinking my relationship is androgynous, or something like it!

I think he is just really not sexual at all. He is very stiff and proper. Still I never imagined I would marry one of the few guys out there that doesn't want sex.

Yeah, and we're a few of the women who choose to "love ourselves" & stay in a faithful relationship with them!!!!

There are worse things than being married to a frigid man. I looked for a man that was not a dog, not into ***********, well-behaved. At least, I am not married to a cheater that brings home diseases. With so many scary things out there I could think of worse than being married to an asexual man. My husband actually just likes to talk, he always listens, and he likes to cuddle.

I am sorry, "you are not allowed to have them". He thinks you have to get his permission? I am sorry. How can he justify telling another person, especially one he vowed to honor and cherish, what they can or cannot and for themselves. I cannot fathom some one being this obtuse. self absorbed. How can he say he respect you. I am sorry but it seems your problems are systemic. wish you the best. You only get one life and it can be fleeting. Continue on your path of "happiness"

Let me get this straight. He gets points for not cheating. That should be a given. It's like the old Chris Rock skit where he says, guys brag, "at least I ain't gone to jail"!...Your not suppose too to begin with idiot. I made the mistake of saying that to my wife in an argument, "I have always been faithful to you". The response I got was, "you didn't think I deserved for you to be faithful." "You treat it like its going out of your way." Different perspective and I understand. I assume he made a vow too you about the aforementioned points, love, honor, cherish etc.

Thank you for your comment. I do not get ask his permission to buy toys. He knows I have them, and he has told me he does not want me to have "nasty things in the house". I never asked him for permission, and I have let him know that he can not tell me not to. He does not dwell on it, and he knows I would not listen anyways. I don't give him points for not cheating; it is just that in today's world, I would prefer a frigid no-libido man to a man that can not keep it in his pants. The toys are much safer for me.

Wow. I am in the same boat except no hugs or kisses in between only having sex every 10 weeks or so largely because she feels pressured. It's really not that good when we have it unfortunately. So lately I have re explained my needs and she will oblige me with a BJ or hand now any agan It's not quite satisfying but beats doing it myself. Being your husband is loving and cares why can't you negotiate some attention on yourself? He can give you oral or use your toys. Just a thought and if you explained it's required for a happy life why would he do it for you? My pitch to mine was its just a 15 minutes of pleasing your husband.

If a man is frigid, I believe it can be much mroe difficult than if a woman is. I know that my husband is the odd ball of men that doesn't like to have sex. He is so frigid, that no, he would not do those things. He considers sex to be only for making babies. There was never any foreplay, when we did have sex, which was only a handful of times. My husband is also a minute man. So, honestly, I just prefer to keep it the way it is now. I find it more enjoyable when I don't try to involve him. I have done it next to him, in bed or on the couch while we are watching a movie. He doesn't do anything. Actually, with how bad in the sack he was, I think it is better. I am already completely at peace with the situation. I enjoy what I do. I would not enjoy trying to coerce a frigid minute man into servicing me. No thanks.

I respect you for taking control of whaqt you can control - yourself - in a very difficult situation. I also admire you seeing the positives in your life. All too often I see people dwelling on the negatives, and using this as an excuse for all sorts of behavior...though right or wrong is not my place to judge.
Refreshing: )

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