I Class My Best Friend As My Sister
Ever since I moved to where I lived now, I've been friends with her. We both went to 1st grade, I had just moved, again. We moved a couple of times, but my memory of that is really bad and I can't trust it. But I do know that I was moving with my dad and my older brother to where I live now.
I was odd, really odd. I admit that. I was that weird kid who just wasn't like the others. But I didn't mind. I made people laugh and people didn't care to bully me because I didn't care about it. But even though I was small, I saw that they looked at me funny. There were a couple of people in my class who saw me as a potential friend though.
One of these people stayed my friend after many years. The only friend I have left from when I moved here is her. We just click. We were made to be friends. Friends for life. We were very similar in personality when we met and we had a blast together. We've grown to have almost opposite personalities, but we share a lot of memories and little personality things. I'd say she's the female one of us. Though I am the deep one. She doesn't have my sense of "philosophical thoughts and views". But we still have a blast together. We are just such great friends. We go so far back.
So I will most likely go way out of our friendship, and talk about my life and hers, in the next couple of bits (mostly mine though). So put up with me following my flow of thoughts here. :P
So a bit of story about us.
I believed things happened to me that didn't happen. They obviously didn't happen, but I thought so. My brother, dad, dad's mate and her kids told me things that I thought were true. I had memories of those events, but they never happened. So my memory from when I lived with my mom is pretty much all gone. It's really quite sad now that I think about it. I thought that mom hit me and my 2 brothers. I KNEW she did. The problem was, she never did. So we went through a lot of sh!t when we were kids, me and my older brother. I hated conflicts and fights even as a small child, and I always tried to be nice. I just couldn't handle seeing people close to me being sad. So we were in contact with the police and tried to give her a punnishment for something we knew she did, that she didn't do. It's unbelieveable how easy it is to corrupt a child. I have only a few memories from living with my mom, and most of them are false. If he wasn't my dad, I'd hate him for making me believe this bullsh!t.
So I couldn't see my mom, not much. I went there normally eventually, but for a long time I could only see her a little bit. She still hasn't been able to get over all that happened. She's been depressed, stressed, anxious ever since. But I didn't show that I was a bit down. So I just went on with life. Me and my buddy were really tight because I told her a lot of things. I'd tell her when I felt like crying, I'd tell her when I was honestly happy, I'd tell her the things that no one else knew. We really were best friends already, after just a year.
She doesn't live with her real parents and she never really fit in. She was a lot shorter than most people and I was handicapped. So both of us having a bit of a bad thing going on with our parents and with how we looked, just fit together. We understood eachother like no one else could. It was great. Things had cooled down with my mom from my perspective at some point early in school. As I said, my memory is really messed up because of all that was going on. I don't even know what things I remember about my family that are true and false. But I know that I got over it and things were back to normal (through my eyes) pretty early on. Though the consequenses are devastating looking at my mom and her huspand. I'll never really get over what we did to her. She sais it wasn't my fault and I know that, but still... Also, I'm a bit unsure if I did get over it, I remember me crying when I talked about mom, because I missed her and things like that. I can't really go into it because I can't trust my memories that far back. But I generally cried easily, well... in random moment that weren't emotional. But when I should've/ had a reason to cry, I didn't. I did sometimes, but not mostly. I still have that problem, I bottle things up and spew it all out when nothing's happening, and I feel like an idiot.
I got of track again. Dang. But back on subject. We stayed friends all the way till now, we're still best friends. We went to the same class untill between 5th and 6th grade when she switched schools because she couldn't handle beeing threatened and bullied by other people in my class. They were 2 and both of them were my friends untill they started going aftar my best friend. Then I just ditched them **** them! They said horrible things about her and I'll never forgive them. They told me things about her and I kept them secret because they told me to. And that was always after they told me the things. So I ended up being the middle hand. That almost put me in depression. It was one of all the little things from my early childhood that makes me want to cry and scream, because it contributed to how I felt later. That was before 5th grade ffs! God, some people! So at some point I couldn't take it and I ditched my other 2 friends and told them that I couldn't handle being the middle hand keeping all their secrets in front of my best friend. Then she switched school. So I got some new friends, but they stopped contact with me shortly after 6th grade if they hadn't moved already. So not only did my friend switch schools, she was so afraid that she also did the year over again. So now she goes to a grade lover than me. She got behind in school because of the bullying and so she couldn't consentrate, that also made her do it again.
When I started 7th grade we went to different schools and, long story short, I had to switch schools because they closed the one I went to and lied a ton about what they were going to do with the school. So I'm a bit p!ssed off at the "bosses" for lying to us. They lied to 7th graders about their education... wow. But anyway...
The school that she switched to was a 1st-9th grade school. So I went there, it was the only school I could go to. So we went to the same school again, but didn't see eachother a lot. I was in 8th grade and she 7th grade. Being in different grades, we didn't see eachother a lot in school. We also ended different times, so not much after school either. But we were still best friends and we saw eachother during breaks if we had them at the same time, and during some weekends and big breaks from school.
So in 7th grade was when things went bad for me and my life was starting to go downhill. I didn't tell her because I thought she couldn't handle it and I didn't want to make her worry. So I won't go into what I was going through or who I told etc. because that is a different story. A lot of stories actually. I've written most of it on an accoount that I deleted when I tried to *cough* kill myself *cough*... I'm not proud of it, I can say that much. So my life was going to helI in 8th grade. No one noticed, 'cause I'm just that good at acting haha. No, they were just blind. Them being my familly and friends, on and teachers too. So I was feeling horrible and she was too. I didn't know it, but she was also depressed! I'm so mad at myself for not telling her, it would've made it easier for both of us. She was being bullied feeling alone, along with low self asteem. What happened to me, well... I'm not even going to talk about that thing now. Let's just say, I'm surprised I'm alive still. But now I'm much better, she is too.
So back to how that effected our friendship.
Both of us being depressed, and hiding it too well, things seemed normal to both of us. We were actually pretty happy around eachother most times. But I did notice that she was unhappy some days and just not in the mood for anything. I didn't pay much atention to it because I just couldn't. I was happy around her most days and I didn't want to change that, so I didn't talk about it. I don't know when, but she started cutting herself. I know some of you are thinking that all teenagers do that nowadays, but we don't. It was the only way we could cope with all the sh!t we went through. Plus, we live in a town where not a lot of that happens. We don't see that much of depressed people going over the edge, hurting themselves or breaking down. We don't see that a lot. Now, I started cutting too. I was just so depressed and so mad. I couldn't stop feeling like people cut for fun. All I could think of that was, who would do that? What the heck is wrong with them? But both me and my friend managed to cover it up. She eventually got found out and she stopped. She might've stopped before she got found out, but she stopped, thank god. Then she told me, and showed me. She had started wearing normal shirts again so everyone could see. But it wasn't noticeable unlesss you knew about it or looked really closely. I was still cutting and was having suicidal thoughts, but I was skocked when she told me. I had no idea that she was cutting. I felt so bad because I hadn't noticed and I was hiding it from her myself! Her scars were at least not too bad, I thought to make it better. But then I looked at myself when I got home that day and just thought, why? Why am I doing this to her, to me, to us? What's wrong with me? I shouldn't hide it. But I did. On the summerbreak between 9th and 10th grade, I got better. I realized some crazy things that I'm trying to work out now. I got better because I almost died, then I saw what I was doing to myself, and what I had done. I just Had to make a change, no matter what. I'm so glad that me and my friend are still cool with eachother. She just gets me, she just gets me.
We're still best friends and she now knows about how I was depressed and didn't tell her, how I cut, heard voices, maybe have PTSD, tried to commit suicide... She knows everything that I hid from her, apart from the reason I was depressed. But once I've figured it out, I'm telling her all of it. That's because she's my best friend, she's been with me all this time. I don't just call her my friend anymore, I call her my sister. I don't tell others who I know that I think of her as a sister, as family, but I do. In my head, my little universe, she'll always have a core spot. If she goes, I go.
Also, I heard that she heard voices. When I went to 9th grade, she told me that she was hearing these voices telling her she should just die. I was freaked out, but I heard some stuff too, so I didn't go all up in her face about it. I knew that she didn't want to talk about it so I didn't make her. We talked about it for a bit, I almost missed class, and then back to almost normal with us.
We get through everything, we just have to. She's my friend, my family and my past. She has played a big role in my life, as well as some others. But she's known me the longest, and I'll be her friend till death does us apart. I could marry this girl if there was such a thing as friend marriage. She and I will forever be best friends. Period.
(I will go through this and correct my grammar later, but now I have to sleep. Haven't had enough of that)
Thank all of you for reading my story. Just knowing you've read it, and know a bit more about me, makes me happy.
I was odd, really odd. I admit that. I was that weird kid who just wasn't like the others. But I didn't mind. I made people laugh and people didn't care to bully me because I didn't care about it. But even though I was small, I saw that they looked at me funny. There were a couple of people in my class who saw me as a potential friend though.
One of these people stayed my friend after many years. The only friend I have left from when I moved here is her. We just click. We were made to be friends. Friends for life. We were very similar in personality when we met and we had a blast together. We've grown to have almost opposite personalities, but we share a lot of memories and little personality things. I'd say she's the female one of us. Though I am the deep one. She doesn't have my sense of "philosophical thoughts and views". But we still have a blast together. We are just such great friends. We go so far back.
So I will most likely go way out of our friendship, and talk about my life and hers, in the next couple of bits (mostly mine though). So put up with me following my flow of thoughts here. :P
So a bit of story about us.
I believed things happened to me that didn't happen. They obviously didn't happen, but I thought so. My brother, dad, dad's mate and her kids told me things that I thought were true. I had memories of those events, but they never happened. So my memory from when I lived with my mom is pretty much all gone. It's really quite sad now that I think about it. I thought that mom hit me and my 2 brothers. I KNEW she did. The problem was, she never did. So we went through a lot of sh!t when we were kids, me and my older brother. I hated conflicts and fights even as a small child, and I always tried to be nice. I just couldn't handle seeing people close to me being sad. So we were in contact with the police and tried to give her a punnishment for something we knew she did, that she didn't do. It's unbelieveable how easy it is to corrupt a child. I have only a few memories from living with my mom, and most of them are false. If he wasn't my dad, I'd hate him for making me believe this bullsh!t.
So I couldn't see my mom, not much. I went there normally eventually, but for a long time I could only see her a little bit. She still hasn't been able to get over all that happened. She's been depressed, stressed, anxious ever since. But I didn't show that I was a bit down. So I just went on with life. Me and my buddy were really tight because I told her a lot of things. I'd tell her when I felt like crying, I'd tell her when I was honestly happy, I'd tell her the things that no one else knew. We really were best friends already, after just a year.
She doesn't live with her real parents and she never really fit in. She was a lot shorter than most people and I was handicapped. So both of us having a bit of a bad thing going on with our parents and with how we looked, just fit together. We understood eachother like no one else could. It was great. Things had cooled down with my mom from my perspective at some point early in school. As I said, my memory is really messed up because of all that was going on. I don't even know what things I remember about my family that are true and false. But I know that I got over it and things were back to normal (through my eyes) pretty early on. Though the consequenses are devastating looking at my mom and her huspand. I'll never really get over what we did to her. She sais it wasn't my fault and I know that, but still... Also, I'm a bit unsure if I did get over it, I remember me crying when I talked about mom, because I missed her and things like that. I can't really go into it because I can't trust my memories that far back. But I generally cried easily, well... in random moment that weren't emotional. But when I should've/ had a reason to cry, I didn't. I did sometimes, but not mostly. I still have that problem, I bottle things up and spew it all out when nothing's happening, and I feel like an idiot.
I got of track again. Dang. But back on subject. We stayed friends all the way till now, we're still best friends. We went to the same class untill between 5th and 6th grade when she switched schools because she couldn't handle beeing threatened and bullied by other people in my class. They were 2 and both of them were my friends untill they started going aftar my best friend. Then I just ditched them **** them! They said horrible things about her and I'll never forgive them. They told me things about her and I kept them secret because they told me to. And that was always after they told me the things. So I ended up being the middle hand. That almost put me in depression. It was one of all the little things from my early childhood that makes me want to cry and scream, because it contributed to how I felt later. That was before 5th grade ffs! God, some people! So at some point I couldn't take it and I ditched my other 2 friends and told them that I couldn't handle being the middle hand keeping all their secrets in front of my best friend. Then she switched school. So I got some new friends, but they stopped contact with me shortly after 6th grade if they hadn't moved already. So not only did my friend switch schools, she was so afraid that she also did the year over again. So now she goes to a grade lover than me. She got behind in school because of the bullying and so she couldn't consentrate, that also made her do it again.
When I started 7th grade we went to different schools and, long story short, I had to switch schools because they closed the one I went to and lied a ton about what they were going to do with the school. So I'm a bit p!ssed off at the "bosses" for lying to us. They lied to 7th graders about their education... wow. But anyway...
The school that she switched to was a 1st-9th grade school. So I went there, it was the only school I could go to. So we went to the same school again, but didn't see eachother a lot. I was in 8th grade and she 7th grade. Being in different grades, we didn't see eachother a lot in school. We also ended different times, so not much after school either. But we were still best friends and we saw eachother during breaks if we had them at the same time, and during some weekends and big breaks from school.
So in 7th grade was when things went bad for me and my life was starting to go downhill. I didn't tell her because I thought she couldn't handle it and I didn't want to make her worry. So I won't go into what I was going through or who I told etc. because that is a different story. A lot of stories actually. I've written most of it on an accoount that I deleted when I tried to *cough* kill myself *cough*... I'm not proud of it, I can say that much. So my life was going to helI in 8th grade. No one noticed, 'cause I'm just that good at acting haha. No, they were just blind. Them being my familly and friends, on and teachers too. So I was feeling horrible and she was too. I didn't know it, but she was also depressed! I'm so mad at myself for not telling her, it would've made it easier for both of us. She was being bullied feeling alone, along with low self asteem. What happened to me, well... I'm not even going to talk about that thing now. Let's just say, I'm surprised I'm alive still. But now I'm much better, she is too.
So back to how that effected our friendship.
Both of us being depressed, and hiding it too well, things seemed normal to both of us. We were actually pretty happy around eachother most times. But I did notice that she was unhappy some days and just not in the mood for anything. I didn't pay much atention to it because I just couldn't. I was happy around her most days and I didn't want to change that, so I didn't talk about it. I don't know when, but she started cutting herself. I know some of you are thinking that all teenagers do that nowadays, but we don't. It was the only way we could cope with all the sh!t we went through. Plus, we live in a town where not a lot of that happens. We don't see that much of depressed people going over the edge, hurting themselves or breaking down. We don't see that a lot. Now, I started cutting too. I was just so depressed and so mad. I couldn't stop feeling like people cut for fun. All I could think of that was, who would do that? What the heck is wrong with them? But both me and my friend managed to cover it up. She eventually got found out and she stopped. She might've stopped before she got found out, but she stopped, thank god. Then she told me, and showed me. She had started wearing normal shirts again so everyone could see. But it wasn't noticeable unlesss you knew about it or looked really closely. I was still cutting and was having suicidal thoughts, but I was skocked when she told me. I had no idea that she was cutting. I felt so bad because I hadn't noticed and I was hiding it from her myself! Her scars were at least not too bad, I thought to make it better. But then I looked at myself when I got home that day and just thought, why? Why am I doing this to her, to me, to us? What's wrong with me? I shouldn't hide it. But I did. On the summerbreak between 9th and 10th grade, I got better. I realized some crazy things that I'm trying to work out now. I got better because I almost died, then I saw what I was doing to myself, and what I had done. I just Had to make a change, no matter what. I'm so glad that me and my friend are still cool with eachother. She just gets me, she just gets me.
We're still best friends and she now knows about how I was depressed and didn't tell her, how I cut, heard voices, maybe have PTSD, tried to commit suicide... She knows everything that I hid from her, apart from the reason I was depressed. But once I've figured it out, I'm telling her all of it. That's because she's my best friend, she's been with me all this time. I don't just call her my friend anymore, I call her my sister. I don't tell others who I know that I think of her as a sister, as family, but I do. In my head, my little universe, she'll always have a core spot. If she goes, I go.
Also, I heard that she heard voices. When I went to 9th grade, she told me that she was hearing these voices telling her she should just die. I was freaked out, but I heard some stuff too, so I didn't go all up in her face about it. I knew that she didn't want to talk about it so I didn't make her. We talked about it for a bit, I almost missed class, and then back to almost normal with us.
We get through everything, we just have to. She's my friend, my family and my past. She has played a big role in my life, as well as some others. But she's known me the longest, and I'll be her friend till death does us apart. I could marry this girl if there was such a thing as friend marriage. She and I will forever be best friends. Period.
(I will go through this and correct my grammar later, but now I have to sleep. Haven't had enough of that)
Thank all of you for reading my story. Just knowing you've read it, and know a bit more about me, makes me happy.
By:
bluecupcakes
Age:
18-21
,
Female
2
responses
