Love How It Works

The thought of tricking a girl into falling in love with you is a disturbing one. Love is a huge emotion that can radically and completely dictate someone’s life. If it was possible to perform a few magical steps in order to make a girl fall in love with you, we would live in a harsh world of broken hearts. Uh oh… don’t we already?
Contrary to the thought of many you certainly cannot make anyone love you. In my experience, the more you try to make a girl fall in love you, the less she will. Usually it's the things that make you happy and the things that we attribute the most value to be keys in her loving you. Keeping in mind these two aspects of human nature, we can therefore conclude that in order for someone to love us, we must make them happy and we must be valuable to them.
Let’s work on making them happy first, it's really simple and is overlooked by most people. The simple rule to making someone happy is to be happy yourself. Being happy is contagious and people in your presence will automatically feel similar to you. If you’re happy about life, then the people around you will want to have you around them as well. If you’re always down, depressed or angry, then you are making yourself very hard to love.
Think of someone that you love or loved. Imagine them in your mind until you can see a picture of their face. In this picture, are they happy or sad ? It's very likely that in the mental picture that you have, they are smiling or happy. If it worked for you, then it should also work for others.
The things you love the most consequently have a lot of value. Can you really love something that has no value? Things that are replaceable, or are easily attainable have little value in our lives. So make yourself valuable and people will love you. Being valuable isn’t as hard as people think.
The concept of value is relative, in an organization, the most valuable person is the boss even if in another situation, he could be completely insignificant. This is why so many secretaries are attracted to their boss. He has the most value. Let’s take this concept and apply it in practical situations.
If you’re in school, then the most valuable person will be the person that is most respected by his peers. This can be the football star among cheerleaders, or the smart guy who gets the best grades. He can also be the guy who makes the girls laugh the most, or the guy that has the best house parties that everyone wants to attend.
In a work environment, the most valuable person can once again, be the social funny guy that everyone wants to hang out with, or the boss, or the sharp guy that the boss respects the most.
But… what if the girl I like doesn’t know about these social situations ? Well then… Tell her about your day! Although not as efficient, just telling her about your daily interactions (in a non-gloating way) can be an effective way of communicating your value.
In the end, don’t concentrate on how to make a girl fall in love with you because as soon as you try to make someone love you, they won’t. So instead, concentrate on being happy and valuable, the rest will come naturally.
Attraction is a frequently misunderstood term used by men and women to describe a sense of desire for someone else. People often associate articles on attraction as being sneaky tips and techniques to trick members of the opposite sex into being attracted to them, but in reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Real attraction, is embellishing your life in a way that makes every moment amazing. When you reach that level of attractiveness, women want to be with you and men want to be around you. This is something that you cannot fake and instead, you must work on every single day of your life.
Love is such a powerful emotion and a fundamental need in our lives. It’s not uncommon to find people striving to be loved throughout their entire lives so the goal in this section is to present you with steps that you can take to fulfill your deep needs. In other words, this isn’t a place to trick a girl into falling in love with you, but instead, it’s a place that will teach you how love works and why two people can fall in love while others won’t. We don’t claim to understand love perfectly, but we will do our best to share all our insights so that you can make up your own mind about the best way to go about it.
Love is worth the effort… and when it happens, it will be effortless.
One word of caution however. We are all powered by the biological need to replicate and we frequently confuse love and sexual desire as one. In this section, we try our best to concentrate exclusively on love, how it works and share our thoughts on how to obtain it.
Our heart and soul goes into every piece written about love, we hope you enjoy them.
The word “decent” is one of those fuzzy ones too….like what is the universal definition of that word? I know my definition, in the way she was using the word, is anything but what most people would consider a mainstream guy. So let’s face it, the word decent has connotations. When I read decent, it really puts it into a framework of good/bad, superior/inferior, good enough/not good enough and in reality finding a partner is not about that at all. Not at all.
But the real point is not even about defining decency, it’s about being on the wrong track. When you’re looking for a partner to date or connect with long-term, it’s not as if it’s hard to find a “decent” guy or woman. My definition of that term is vastly different from many. I know lots of very decent guys that do not interest many women in the least. They are great men but they are not the crazy mix of qualities she is looking for. They are selling wanting different. To a lot of women, a man’s responsibility, industriousness, kindness are the key features to the definition of decency. It also really doesn’t mean that those aren’t “decent” qualities, they just aren’t the personal top qualities some seek in a partner.
We are all looking for the people we can resonate with, those who are in our “tribe” and those are the people who “get us”. The guy who wants but doesn’t get the hot super model for example can be super decent, they just aren’t working on my frequency. You can't fault those men for not digging or “wanting” them…they aren’t really aligned and it’s cool. If I was aligned with even 50% of the women in the worls how the hell would I choose? At least this helps narrow down the choices, right?
And then, if we did align with even say 35% of the people we could partner with, the whole serendipitous magnificence of finding that one person who falls into your small universe and in doing so flings open the screen less window to let in the butterflies, and makes you forget about food, and makes you sigh with wonder, wouldn’t happen in that same magical and mystical way. It would be another ho hum gig. Getting into a groove spiritually and intellectually and chemically with another person and letting the ego walls down enough to let them really come on in, is one of life’s most magical gifts that can keep on giving.
So, no, don’t refer to this as finding someone “decent”. It’s wrong to define it this way, doesn’t give due respect to the great people that you just don’t happen to align with, and then to add further insult, it takes away all the magic of the way soul connections happen and the fairy dust that is love.
So when you hear a misguided woman say this, just try to remember, she’s just confused
I remember that one day when I was talking to an Italian friend of mine. She had recently moved to this country: “I am disappointed in the men here”, she sighed. “In Italy, the guys are so forward with us girls, we have to swat them off with tennis rackets. But here, it feels like nobody notices me.” On that day, I had a fundamental insight: women want to be noticed! This is one of the many pieces of the puzzle that will allow you how to understand women.
Here’s how I do it: I talk to them, and I ask questions.
It’s so funny how anybody will tell you: “If you want to know something, just ask”, and yet, it only occurs to the fewest to ask women about what they want and feel. Of course, just walking up and asking “what do you want?” is hardly going to cut it. Your first step has to be: get women into your life.
I’m not telling you to build a harem here, or collect lovers like butterflies. Harry and Sally notwithstanding, you can actually just be friends with women.. Anyhow, guess what, female friends are highly beneficial. You don’t only have the chance to meet their hot friends, and the friends of those friends, but you also get to peek inside their hearts and minds. So…
1. Get a female roommate and hang out in the kitchen when she has her friend over.
2. Make friends with girls at work – or even older women, why the heck not?
3. Socialize with the ladies, take them to the movies, do your favorite things together.
The opportunities to talk will come naturally, and so will the opportunities to listen! Your curiosity will get you a long way now.
Just a side note. Of course, this requires overcoming that irrational fear of women that inextricably binds so many men to their right hands. If you’re one of those dudes, you need to push yourself out there. Get yourself a training plan. Start with two approaches a day and don’t judge the outcome. Then move forward from there.
Now it’s time to go more hardcore. With all the insights you accumulate from friends, you can get even more valuable stuff from women you approach or go on dates with. Let me give you a little nugget here: acknowledge that you are a student of life and love, and do not hide it.
Women will actually appreciate you for putting in all that effort to get good with them. So, as soon as a woman ends a conversation, or a date ends with the classic death-sentence “bye, it’s been nice meeting you”, or a contact fizzles out, get your balls together and ask her:
“Hey, I am really curious. We had this good start, but at some point, it seems like I lost you. What happened?”
In fact, sometimes the girl may not be too sure about that herself, and that’s fine. See what she comes up with! Perhaps she’ll end up saying “actually, you know what, I don’t know that myself. Why don’t we go for a drink?” Others will give you very clear reasons, tell you where you did what to turn them off. This is hands-on knowledge – from the mouths of babes, as they say.
On the other end, if something turns out well and you end up getting her, you can ask her (preferably after you sleep with her):
“I’m really curious. When did you know we’d sleep together?”
What I’m saying is: Your curiosity will get you a long way. He who is not inquisitive will not learn about women, and he who will not learn about women will not get ‘em. So throw your inhibitions out the window. You cannot lose here. Learning how to understand women means that you have to be around them on a regular basis!
Chemistry…chemistry…chemistry. A life force, no doubt. When you have that attraction with someone it’s undeniable and potent – tequila straight up, swigging from the bottle. When you meet someone and feel that attraction, you’re like cruising in a fog. There have been times I’ve experienced it and I felt like I was floating almost. It’s not the run of the mill interest or attraction – it’s deeper, it is energy with its own velocity.
Chemistry is a tough roommate. I mean, it charges in like it owns the joint. I’ve even had the experience of being very physically attracted to someone whose personality I didn’t even like. It was chemistry for sure because I couldn’t even stop being attracted to her even when I didn’t like “her”. Standing next to her was electric. Was she cute? Not wildly so. She was even 2 inches shorter than me!
Could I have been any more attracted to her?
It was pure potent desire. All I could think of was how to get her somewhere.
When chemistry invades and sets up its home, I’m hoping that she is feeling it too… I’m so tangled in the chemistry I have to force a pull back to take stock of what she’s feeling. I’m so drunk with attraction, I force myself to go through the steps… measure her eye contact, her interest in what I’m saying, the intensity I can feel when he’s looking in my eyes.
Is she listening?
Is she listening hard?
Is she into me too?
Kind of or a lot?
I think you can pretty much always tell when it’s mutual. I think you can tell when it's there and she’s there and she’s into it just as much. Your brain picks up the signals almost subconsciously so trust your gut. Give it the gut check…just get yourself centered for a minute and do a gut check. You know. And, if you’re so off center you can’t be sure…act as if.
Okay…act how?
Act as if it’s a yes. I mean the worse that can happen is she’ll let you know you’re wrong. If you are, you flip that card.
I’ll tell you that a man moving things along is really appreciated by a woman. I’ve asked my friends – they love men who do the driving. When their into a man, they are liking it when he touches them, grabs her hand, puts his arm around her, not draping on them like a long skinny shawl, but something quick. You can drape your arm for a long time when you know each other.
Grab her, pull her close quick and then let go. Do the things you would do if you two were intimate, like whisper into her ear. Be playful. Teasing her really sweetly. She will melt.
Let her know that your connecting but make it quick and short…when you know each other more, you can linger. From my experience most women love when a guy kisses them without waiting for the “expected” end of the first date, second date, or whatever. They love that your into them and being spontaneous and can read that she is just as much into you. I think a lot of touching is nice. I wouldn’t get into too much “grabbing”…let the energy build up a bit so that you both really want to go there. But a lot of drawing her in close quickly, taking her hand or arm, making it clear there is some serious energy there, builds things up and moves things along. she is loving it when she's really liking you… so do it.
Yeah…creepy. This energy can come from men or women. Sometimes dudes are doing things that they don’t realize come off as creepy and for the most part I don’t really believe there are that many creepy people, it's more like there are behaviors that girls find strange and when a girl finds something strange, she usually goes right to the creepy category because she’s unsure about where else to file the behavior. Sometimes she’s just dumb and doesn’t know what to do with the information — that doesn’t make you creepy, that makes her dumb, but that’s another article.
Top five creepy things you should never do. There are, though, some more or less universal things that could pretty much be called creepy behavior across the board. You might do some of them, and you probably have some semi-legitimate reasons for doing them, but I suggest you put the kibosh on them because they aren’t doing you any favors and yes, its favors you are looking for at this point.
The first one is speed questioning or the secret questionnaire. Learning about your woman is great, it’s all about how. Sometimes a man, in his excitement, and usually nervousness, will ask questions a little too fast. One after another, after another, after….As one female friend put it, “it’s like a secret questionnaire” he’s filling out. A little normal ask, wait, talk, ask, talk, wait…goes a long, long way and is more effective to get her to open up than….ask, ask, ask, ask.
The second is the laughing out of context makes some women think that you’re thinking something sexual that isn’t in context. It can also come off as odd nervousness. They feels like your having some secret conversation with yourself in your head….or with someone else in there. There are so many variations as to what could be going on and none of them are good. Bottom line — stifle the urge to do it or go laugh in the bathroom alone if you’re sure she cannot hear you.
The third is a smoldering stare. Some looks work and some don’t. Some are smoldering sexy….and lingering. Hot. But that look works after your together. Before that, when she doesn't know you, you have to give her the inviting stare and that’s really more of a look than a stare. It’s a look that says interest but screams warmth too. Easiest way to do this…smile. No need for the bared teeth but a small smile is important…a half smile…something that invites more than smolders.
The forth is that vague, fuzzy, hazy non-answer answers. Not spilling your life story – more mystery….playing so evasive that she cannot get past a first name and a current location…can start to seem waaay too hidden to the point of “why”…what’s he hiding?
There is a balance here that works. Gotta strike the right balance and watch her face if you are having trouble with this. A deer in the headlights look or stunned stony silence are clear indicators you’re veering off one cliff or another.
The last is when a man is standing there alone. Have a purpose for standing alone. If you aren’t with friends, talk to a girl, if there isn’t a girl to talk to, find someone to talk to. Standing alone in a place without any purpose can seem odd and can result in the behavior getting filed in the creep category.
Trial and Error if necessary, but whatever you do, keep at your game until you hammer it out and get any creep out of you.
Most women would readily agree, they really dig that they don’t have to be the one approaching men. That said, just because it can be intimidating and downright scary, depending on your mood, once you conquer this, learn the techniques that will work for the kind of girl you want to attract, doing this regularly can actually fill up your mojo reservoirs like nothing else. In fact, this is one arena in which the man dominates, across the board, hands down, no quibble.
Approaching. Okay, so yeah, it can be annoying that the man bears the burden, the converse is also true. The man also has the power and the control, so grab it, harness it, enjoy it. Be the alpha male that you are and bask in the position.
One of the most important considerations when approaching a woman is your state of mind. This is very key and not just mumbo jumbo about feeling good. A woman has sonar, sixth sense, intuition, you can choose the language you like best but we all know what it means. A woman is just wired to be highly intuitive. It probably has something to do with her care giving role and the biological wiring she has built in to help her assess the condition of those she cares for. People aren’t always so refined at communicating what they are thinking so I tend to believe that women have been wired to read non-verbal signals with a highly refined sensor. Women….most….know how to assess the energy and emotional field around a person without the slightest effort. It comes naturally to them.
She knows! Why does this matter? Because when you’re approaching a woman you need to think about the energy field around you. How you feel about yourself, your work, your body, your psyche, is all going to be bottled up in this energy field and while a woman can’t probably articulate it, she more than likely can feel almost instantly how a man feels about himself. How a man feels about himself is communicated non-verbally pretty readily to an intuitive woman and she’s going to take her cue from you. So, if you want her to dig you, you better be digging yourself.
You need to be happy with yourself in general, and if you’re having a bad day, you need to do some self coaching before you make your move, if you do at all. I think it’s rare for a man who isn’t feeling his mojo very strongly to be approaching a woman, but I’ll get to that later.
Women like being approached, let’s face it. No, the reality is, they love it. How can it not be nice? When someone approaches you they are silently saying…they find you interesting, they want to know more, they are intrigued, you’re attractive. How is that ever a bad thing? Even if thet aren’t sure if they are into the guy, they sure like being liked, appreciated and hell, if someone thinks their pretty, all the better.
Women want three things from your approach, for you to be confident (let them be the nervous ones), for you to take the lead and most important of all for you to be natural.
This ties right into confidence. Taking the lead means being a gentle leader, she will follow, she wants to and she knows how. She just needs you to gently lead. Tell her things like, “let’s go sit over here and talk”, or “why don’t we do (fill in blank)”. If she really doesn’t want to, she’ll say something to that effect or she’ll stumble around and it will be obvious. But honestly, if she’s into finding out about you, she’ll more than gladly do the following to your lead so that you guys can talk and learn about each other. At that point in time, she really does not care what you do, she just wants to learn about you and find out if she’s interested in you too.
What happens if you don’t take the lead? You find yourself in a situation where you have two people nervously twitching and not knowing what to do next. Not good. Don’t let that happen.
Women like guys who are real with the silliness, the verbal stumbling, the momentary (not long but momentary) silence, the realness that everyone has. It’s honestly cute as hell and she’ll actually feel herself softening if a few things stumble along the way. She doesn’t need you to be perfect, that can really seem fake, or like he’s too much of a player, so in fact, not only should you not be perfect because you can’t but because it’s less effective than being real. So embrace this real you and just let it rip, the more you do this the more effortless it’s going to be.
Just remember to be confident, a gentle but firm leader and natural. Even though this isn’t going to bring you 100% success with every girl, you’re going to get the girl who is going to dig you and that is going to be hot. A man and a woman in sync is the hottest energy that there is. It’s electric and super charged and morphs right into sexual fire which is where I think we all want to be headed.
Good luck guys I hope this has helped you in a small bit in finding "the one" that was meant for your heart.

noelli noelli
56-60, M
Dec 10, 2012