How To Keep Him After You Get Him

I am so tired of male bashing. I am tired of hearing and reading that all men want is sex or that they are all cheaters. You want to know why men cheat because women forget they are women after bring married for a while. They forget that it was sex that caught him and its sex that will keep him.

Men such good creatures if you’d only just realize it. This may come as a surprise to some of you women out there, but men are people too, they really are, there are good ones, and not so good ones, and a few who could use some serious remodeling, but all in all, they are just humans with real feelings and real hearts, and a lot of men have really generous spirits, they do, and they don’t deserve being treated like they often are.
There are articles in abundance on what women want and need. There was even a movie with Mel Gibson about secret feminine thoughts and desires. Men spend hours trying to figure women out and what they need, but do women try to figure men out? You don’t see much about what men need and want. Men are as mysterious to women as they are to men. All women think they need to do is, rope ‘em, hog tie ‘em and throw ‘em in the barn…well men ain’t cattle girls, they know how to open that barn door even if you get them in there.

Usually all you read is bitter accounts by angry cold women, about why men aren’t worth much, and how to avoid the ones who may not be easy to catch, complete with titles and types and assessments of why you don’t want one like THAT… Well, ladies if you want a good one you better start figuring out what he wants or you aren’t going to get him, let alone keep him.

I am talking about good men, not the bad men the abusers…I am talking about hardworking men, these guys so try, and women so mystify them, and ignore them and abuse them! They just want you to be happy and they just want to be happy too. This isn’t a sex manual or a how to manual it is really about caring about each other…the rest sort of falls into place when we do care and listen, so listen to this stuff, please?

Every woman knows men are into chemistry, although what it is, is a bit unclear. What it is is sex appeal, it is, they want to appeal to you sexually, and for you to appeal to them sexually. That is really all that is, it’s not looks or weight, or height or make up, it’s how you look at them and how you make them feel, if you make them feel like males, deep inside, they’re attracted to you. They’ll admit to that readily enough, but to get inside the mind of a man, to learn what it is that makes him choose to stay and commit? That’s the secret ladies, they have to want to commit to you. Most of you can get a man to stay for breakfast at any time. It’s keeping hold of them that’s tough. Women want that commitment and men know. Men aren’t about to tell you this though, because they know thry can be determined and devious. The line the bride sings walking down the aisle, of “Phew, I'll never have to do THAT again!” Is a little too often true. Men want truth and beauty, not to be a victim of some woman with a need for income. Men believe in love more than women do at times.

As a men gets to be 35 or so their body wakes up a silent urging to procreate and nest, they reassess their life in the wild, and begin to consider settling down, they get as broody as any woman does. Or if they have procreated and nested, they begin to feel the urge to stretch their wings and fly, to seek out more, and feel the wonder again. Contrary to the writings in many women's magazines men aren’t one dimensional they need both, passion and comfort, home and freedom and sensuality, they’re really somewhat simple, they’ll give you everything if they can just be a star in their own lives. That’s really all it takes. That and they want an interesting life. Give them that, and they’ll line up to commit to whoever gives it to them.

You’ll hear wives lament and whine that he’s cheating on her, but what you don’t hear is why he is, and it’s not just some younger body, it’s… that she’s interesting and the wife isn’t. The wife has become dull and boring. As the relationship get longer and he asks her to wear one of those slinky sexy outfits tht is stuffed in the bottom drawer or ask her to wear perfume and make up for him she yells at him and whines at him, just like she does after he flies the coop! and he’s tired of sleeping with the wife is full of excuses. Who’d want to sleep with a bad tempered tyrant!

Half of that is she berates him, it’s never enough, take out the garbage, fix the car, when are you going to mow the yard, she becomes this chore monger, another boss, so he has two jobs, not a home and a love nest. He takes second place in his own life, he is the gadget man, the vacuum cleaner with a mind, the guy who keeps life orderly, the kids matter more, and Little League does, hey, girls, if men did that to you, you’d leave, in a second! You’d never put up with working all day and handing over our check only to come home and get yelled at? And she wonders why he left?! Someone was nicer to him is why, and you wasn’t…You can’t keep cows in the barn if you leave the door open, ladies! Get a clue you weren’t what he needed, you were too busy making cupcakes to notice him, you said no fourteen times a week? Your underwear stopped being sexy. You bored him into leaving and you berated him for not liking you that way and you follow it up with insulting him after the fact that he’s shallow, and he has the problems! So were the cupcakes for the bake sale really THAT important? Cause you sure acted like they are!

Men want fantasy, they want entertainment, they want the princess you are, they want the fairy sprite, they also want the **** lurking within you, they want excitement and to fly, and then land safely, they want to be your wings, your angels of destiny and if you deny them that part, if you refuse to go with them or let them take you on their flights of fancy, they lose, but so do you. At that point all they are married to is a housekeeper then, neither queen or *****, and not their partner in life. Both of you become grounded as the world moves on without you. You just exist to make dinner, when you could be going on exotic trips and living a life of dreams you choose to be dull and boring, and then whine.

Classic sex symbols, from Mae West to Madonna, from Liz Taylor to Brittney Spears, are women men dream of, women of passion and fire, women who are playful and adventurous and have a natural sexuality. Men, dream of a nymphomaniac in their lives, or at least one who can be one at times? They want to be worshipped, cherished, and adored! They want to be teased and pleased and played with. They want a playmate, a friend and a confidant. They want a woman who makes them proud, who their friends go WOW, where’d you find THAT one, you must be a stud huh? To keep that woman is a man thing, it’s pride, its competitiveness, it’s what makes them happy…its what makes them manly, ladies, if you want him to be more of a man, be more of a woman!

They want a princess to provide for, they want a woman who sparkles at them when they do things for her, and sighs and coos. They want her to be pleased, and surprised by their efforts to win her and appease her. They want to chase her and feel her give in to them. Ladies the guys want romance, pink lace romance, the kind with feeling, the kind that has candlelight and soft music, and sighs, they want the longing glances and the deep involvement, and you sort of end up handing them Chef Boyardee and saying What’s your problem? Well, gosh, dinner from a can, might be some of it, the Dog eats dinner from a can, and you pet the darned dog at least? Or I pet mine, but maybe my dog lives better than your man does too? Consider that. That’s sort of sad isn’t it, for him.

Men want you to be glamorous at times, slinky and sexy. They want you to be natural at times, and able to get ready in less than an hour, they want you in baseball caps and jeans, as they sit and fantasize about how hot you were last night, and watch you looking like a tomboy now. They want you to like their bodies, and revel in them, as males, to act like a greedy sexual creature who can’t get enough, at times, as well as listen to their thoughts, and try to make their dreams come true.

They want you to be all the women in the world at once, pure and innocent, devilish and dangerous, squirmy and high spirited, needy and soft, nurturing and comforting, and sexually awake and aware of sensual pleasures. They want the mother in you, the sister, and the ****, they want you to be as multi-dimensional as they are. They want the lady in the living room, the ***** in the bedroom, and always have. Be that, and able to carry on a conversation about something other than yourself and your interests, and they will all eat from your hand, with pleasure.

And if you give them that, they really don’t care if you make dinner, or vacuum, they’ll do it, they’ll hire a maid, or they’ll take you out to dinner! Trust me on this. They don’t want to hear, oooh, yuck, and no way, and you’re kidding, I’m not doing that! They want you to blush and go really? You want me to do that, for real, and try it…they want you to tell them that things feel good, and why, and how to touch you. They want to please you and take you out of your mind with pleasure. They want to know what you think, but not about the sale at the grocery store, to men that doesn’t matter! It doesn’t! Who cares if lettuce is twenty cents less, like change matters? Now if you could do something sexual with that lettuce they’d want to know about that. They want to be pleased, surprised, seduced, coveted, treated with awe that’s all! They want to be on a pedestal, just like they put you on one! And for that men will give you everything they have, can find, can earn and look for more if it pleases you. You become their goddess, but only if you make them your gods…

Ladies guys don’t talk to women about their feelings! They don’t! They go to work, they sit in front of the TV, they mow the yard, they grumble occasionally, but men literally don’t talk as much as we do, and they have men theories about stuff like women, things like “pick your battles” and don’t mess with PMS and giving in is easier than fighting and they sort of figure they have to put up with how squirrelly we are or we won’t put up with them! They have the muscles but you have the power to make their lives beautiful or not, and if you don’t do your part, they won’t do theirs, it’s as simple as that, they do not respond to negativity, no one does…and there’s a reason there are two in a couple, men and women do complete each other, and humans are meant to go through this life hand in hand.

Men won’t tell you this, actually, it’s almost beyond them to but they’re scared of you, cause you scream and sob and rant and rave and accuse, which is a girl thing, and they really aren’t sure how to deal with it when you do that? Hey ever seen a bunch of guys shrieking and bawling, no! They don’t even know how, let alone why, so it’s totally unnerving to them when you do that stuff…and then they just sort of huddle in like turtles waiting for the enemy to go away. It’s a guy thing, guys aren’t allowed to whine per the guy handbook, page 37, chapter titled unmanly behavior, and so they don’t. They persevere, or in a worst case scenario, they get a mistress or cheat or somehow try to cope with life in a marriage that doesn’t really seem to even need them or care what they need. Guys do that action thing, not words, and they like actions, they like Rambo and Fred Flintstone and they’d really rather you just showed them attention than sat and said, ok, so tell me your true inner feelings here…so hey? Just whip those clothes off and stand there when he comes in and say hi, he will catch on, trust me on this, and if he doesn’t? Well, you better start shopping for attorneys then, cause it’s too far gone.
I have been at job sites told guys they just need to talk to their wife tell them how they feel what they want. tell them they just need to get laid and most would say "oh hey I’d say that to my wife, but she’ll get angry or she’ll twist it and turn it into something that’s my fault or she’ll be upset and think I’m dissatisfied with her and don’t love her, but I so wish she’d learn this, it’s so exactly right on!

I’m sexual, very…I like sex, I like a lot of it’s aspects, I enjoy exploring it, and adventuring in it. There are women, who don’t like it as much as men do, that prefer quieter realms and softer ones, there are compatible types, there are. But men no matter what age or how long they have been married still crave the sex, the affection and the bonding, the **** and they have to have it ladies, it isn’t about the physically need, it’s how men express themselves to women. If women would only learn to listen! It’s men's language, it’s primal, it’s instinctive and it holds them totally in its’ thrall, when you deny them that, they have to go looking, it’s male. They cannot survive without it. Think about the **** down the street in the retirement community there is a line outside her door of men begging to be let in. They may not all be standing bet they are there.

Men like a lot of different flavors in life, from the spicy to the sweet, to the hot and ice cold, salt and vinegar to sublimely mild. Men like tastes, like feelings, like emotional intercourse, which by definition is communication. When couples bond together in physical unity they can’t hide from each other, they allow each other inside them, and to me personally life without that is pretty boring.

Changing your approach is so easy, it really is. When you join that exercise class at the gym, instead of whining about the effort and expecting to be praised, all you have to do is ***** down and show them your behinds daily and say, “What do you think, is it getting smaller, is it getting tighter?” And they will love it, and smile, and go hmmm, some, come over here, let me check closer. Then it becomes, for him, you work out, and then they’re more than happy to share it…they’ll check your progress with glee…and insist you take more classes, if they get to be part of it like THAT?

Ladies when you make dinner, add candles, dress for him, cook in just an apron for heaven's sake? Want him to take out the trash more? Stand there naked. Wear a thong…and say, Like this? Or well, as soon as you take out the trash? If I’m still in this mood…the trash is gone, girls, never to be mentioned again…if he forgets? Wear that same outfit…he will learn fast…see thong, take out garbage, get some, it’s like electricity to men. They’ll move so fast and while they’re out there, they’ll put your car away and close the garage door, they do not want more interruptions! As in phew, got her mind on me finally…I got to keep remembering that trash, or yikes she’s gonna find someone who will! Men learn so much quicker than women do. Ladies it's about motivation, use that, there is no You forgot the trash again, oh no, he won’t forget…every day for six years, he’ll remember the naked woman saying I’m gonna take out the trash now…like his own private pin up girl.

And kids? Oh right those anti-romance creatures, uh, feed them early, put them to bed, they’ve had you all day? Daddy’s turn. Get a sitter, trade with a neighbor down the street, you keep mine tonight, I”ll keep yours tomorrow night…just give that man, some of what he needs, he’ll be happy! He had the kids, he loves them, just once in a while, he wants to play with the grownups too. And it doesn’t hurt the kids to be told, Mommy and Daddy are going to play together tonight, it’s our turn. You guys are going to bed early so we can. Give your Dad kiss now, night night.

And if I hear one more woman tell me she’s tired, in this day of electric appliances and television, here’s my answer…you will be more tired if you work all day and come home and then take care of the kids and have no one to help. Take a nap, plan it, don’t wear yourself out dusting once in awhile, schedule your man like he matters! Quit whining, once women made the soap, spun the cloth, plowed fields, baked bread, ground the flour, knit the socks, and still had the energy to kiss him hello and wrap her arms around him when he walked in, so what is your excuse? The dishwasher door was so heavy to close you’re tired now? All he wants is a cuddle and a squeeze and a big smile to see him and to cop a feel, like that’s hard to give him? Uh, give it to him ladies, or know, someone else will.

Men need several things, acceptance of their masculinity, pride in their existence, self esteem, love, affection, sensual pleasures, credit for their contributions, titillation and warm welcome, and to be important in their own lives and for that, they will give you everything they can gather to honor you and please you, they’ll lay anything at your feet, if you just treat them with respect and admiration.

With my time as a Mr. mom and I would take the kids to the pool at our sub-division I would hear the wives saying how their husband was no longer paying attention to them or his eyes were wandering to other women. I tell them the same things I wrote here and asked them to try it out. The ones that did would come back to me and say you’re so right and I do forget and so many women don’t even realize this! Mostly they said thanks and please please do more.

To be honest I’ve read articles in every women’s magazine out there, from the reports to the how to tell what he is by the color of his socks, the commitaphobes and the labels that basically, are about every guy is a piece of junk and without a paycheck they’d be outlawed entirely, the women can’t live with them and it’s illegal to shoot them articles, the ones about he done me wrong, and he done them all wrong, and the ones that just say all men are just naturally stinkers, and it’s just? It’s so wrong! Ladies don’t learn about men from man haters, that’s like learning how to cook from a frat house! They aren’t going to tell you good things, they’re gonna try to get you to hate men like they do!

All men ask is to be considered important in their own lives, not the most important, just be a serious consideration. Their wants, their egos, they deserve a little care and consideration, that’s all! They want to matter in your lives, just like we want to matter in theirs…so ladies first has always been the rule, so make them important in their own lives, in yours. What have you got to lose, or? Has he already left?

Men aren’t selfish, they really aren’t, what they are is quiet, introspective and unsure how to explain what they want any more than you are at times. And what they want is to be your man, your idol, your hero, and your friend. Sort of like that before you were married stuff, they want you to like them, and they want to be told they’re cool, and smart, when they are. They want you to be attracted to them, and oh, they all want to know you love them? They hate being yelled at and bitched at even if they do do something stupid, friends don’t nag each other? And what they’d like is to get closer to you, to fix the problems and to make your relationship stronger and more rewarding for you both, and I sort of ended up their spokesperson, cause I speak their language. So will you please give him a chance and think about how he must feel when you sound off or ignore him or put him off, or tell him you’re too tired, or snarl at him or wound his pride, would you please?

It’s your call girls, it is if you don’t want to wake up to it! Your husband will take the **** next door to takes to Mexico while you’re busy at the PTA meeting, and she will like going on trips to exotic destinations…and being treated like I’m important and wined and dined and catered to. You can do the PTA if you want? It’s ok with her!

Doubt me? Ask any man.

Love is a gift we receive, and it’s a precious gift, and we all need to both respect and care for it, because without it the world is a very colorless place. Love needs care and feeding, it needs sunlight and water, and good soil to grow and flourish in health, and all he is trying to say with this, is he isn’t flourishing and he wants to. You’d let the dog in if it scratched at the door wouldn’t you? Well treat the man in your life at least that well.

Well I wanted to get this on line, for the guys, I did… I’ll write more, but ladies if a man hands you this article, listen to what he’s trying to say, it’s not he’s complaining, it’s he asking, he’s saying help. Help us be better and happier, and help me stay with you. I want to, but I can’t be happy treated worse than the dog, I can’t…and I need you to listen and try and want to make this better. And I guess if it helps one of you, have a better relationship and a happier life, well, you’re welcome. Happy I could help.
noelli noelli
56-60, M
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Spread this to every woman around the world. Didn't even mind the translation mistakes. The message still goes trough. Thanks.

I did not read more than a 1/4 of what you said.

I hope that many women find and read it.

I hope that you are still around and healthy :)