Fresh Start Chapter 67After she returned home, Jirra showered and changed. She walked up to her office to work on the newsletter. She'd promised Alexis that she would meet her for lunch.
It was difficult to concentrate, as all she could think about was Alexis. She decided that she needed to talk to someone about it.
A few minutes later, she was standing outside Tara's office.
"Jirra, this is a surprise. I believe Alexis is with Cari. She sure loves those mud baths," greeted Tara.
"Can we talk?" asked Jirra.
Tara nodded. "Come on in."
Jirra walked in and closed the door behind her.
"Oh, this is serious," noted Tara.
Jirra nodded. "I have something that I need to talk about, but I must ask you to promise not to tell anyone."
"Jirra, I know that you used to be a guy. I think I can be trusted."
"Please, Tara. This doesn't involve just me."
Tara noticed the seriousness in Jirra's voice. "Okay, I promise."
Jirra then told her about her and Alexis.
"Sounds like you two like each other a lot, so what's the problem?"
"I don't know. It's just that I'm not totally comfortable with the way Alexis... takes control, if you know what I mean," replied Jirra.
"Oh... I can see how that would be a problem for you. I take it you never let the girl be in charge when you were a guy."
"No. I never gave it a second thought. As a guy, I just thought I was supposed to be the one initiating stuff. But it's different now."
"You say that it feels good when she takes command, right?"
"Ahhh, but your male psyche has a problem with it."
"I guess that's one way of putting it."
"This all goes back to what I told you about what the elders told me, Jirra. You need to find your new balance. You've made some great strides in the past few weeks, but you still have a long way to go. There's nothing wrong with adapting."
Jirra stared out the window. "I don't know if I can do it."
"It won't be easy, but you're strong."
Jirra sighed. "It's so hard. I just want to be normal; is that too much to ask?" Her voice began to waver slightly. She reached up and wiped away a tear. "Great, now I'm crying again."
Tara got up and walked over to Jirra. "It's okay, Jirra." She then leaned down and hugged her.
Jirra hugged Tara back hard as she wept. After a few minutes she let go. "Sorry."
"For what? Jirra, I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. But I can offer you some advice regarding your relationship with Alexis."
"Tell her how you feel. You don't need to tell her that you used to be a guy, but tell her you want the relationship to be more equal."
"Won't that upset her?"
"It shouldn't. She probably doesn't even realize what she's doing. From what I've seen, Alexis is a pretty nice person, and I think she really likes you."
"You think so?"
Tara nodded. "A relationship should be about sharing and equality. That's why Cari and I have lasted so long. I'm not saying that you and Alexis will last any longer than this week, but at least you should have good memories of being with her."
Jirra smiled. "Thanks again. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me."
"Growing up different is never easy. I'm just glad that I can help."
Becnme 56-60, F 4 Feb 5, 2013