I Feel.

I like when bad things happen to me. I like when people hurt me and sometimes i hurt people i love just so i can hurt too. I feel more alive hating me and my life and getting that queesy feeling in my stomach remembering horrible things that ive done than i do when im smiling or laughing. I lye in bed and think about how people are lying in their own beds thinking about their hopes and dreams and when i do that i can only think of being hurt drunk and alone. But its like thats i want... destruction. I get an adrenaline rush if someone hit me, hurt me, embarrassed me or left me. I daydream about being mugged, bet up,, murdered, getting cancer, knockd down, getting my heart brokewm, family and friends dying and i feel,not numb,i just feel. I know its rong and sick, but am i alone in this? Am i really just crazy?