3/25/12

I haveso many flaws, and I am quite possessive. I am nice to people so that I will bethere favorite. I want people to need me and depend on me, so that they feelthey cannot survive without me. In this way, I am pretentious. I am conniving,and will do anything to get what I want. I am sneaky. I lie to myself as wellas to others.

I don’tbelieve in ***********. I get jealous when my man looks at another woman, orthinks another woman is more attractive that me, or when he watchespornography. Truth is, I watch nude films and ***********. At first, I did thisto feel equal to him- and forced myself to get attracted to it to secretly getback at him. But then it became an addiction, and my fantasies grew. I wantedto get noticed, to have sex with strangers, to have multiple men sucking me andpleasing me. I wanted to suck **** deep throat faster and faster and be cummedon my boobs, my hair, and my face. I brought a vibrator, closed my eyes andimagined these things because even **** got to be too predictable. My fantasiesare wilder than any *****. I want to suck a woman’s breasts so hard it turnsred, while two men give me oral sex. Yet, I pretend to be nun-like with virginthoughts. Nude women turn me on faster than men. I bought two vibrators andused it so often that a cyst developed in my thigh. I got scared and stoppedusing it, but now I’m so horny that I want to try it again.

I gave up alcohol because I cheated on myboyfriend, and I wanted the guy I kissed at the bar to forget all about me. Ialso gave up alcohol to bribe God to keep me and my boyfriend together. God hasbeen so gracious to me, but I stopped going to church.

If I amnot the prettiest girl in a situation, I feel highly uncomfortable. My face isbecoming so hairy, and I am getting too lazy to take care of it. It makes meuncomfortable. I don’t exercise enough, and I waste so much money although Ihave no job, and I complain about my financial situation.

I blamemy mother for too many things even though she has been nice to me lately and istrying to be understanding. I hold onto grudges forever, unless it benefits meto forget it.

Igossip, even about people I like. I look at pictures of pretty girls onfacebook and wish and try to be as pretty as them. I am not pretty enough. Itell my best friend who has always been there for me that she is not my bestfriend, to intentionally hurt her feelings.

I usepeople when I can. I try to take advantage of others. I pretend like certainpeople wronged me, but I just hate them because they look better than me. Ialso want to be accepted by the “pretty” people. I am never cool enough or calmenough to join. I date a really hot guy now, and I brag it. Secretly, I alsofeel insecure because I know he is better looking than me. He is one of thoseperfect looking people,. He is an 11/10, while I am a 6.5/10. I want to be the best looking.
mysticalpanther mysticalpanther
22-25, F
May 7, 2012