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Ive Been Born Again!

When I was about ten I experienced something no-one should ever have to go through I was raped by three much older teenage boys
At 10 you dont understand what has been done or why just all you no is shame fear and pain.somehow I managed to keep it to my self for 30years not even my parrents new but it was not the actual rape that did the harm but the long term damage caused by it.
I withdrew social ended up being bullied all through high school and well into my twenties untill I took up martial arts. Its was only when things came to a head over last couple of years that I realized and was diagnosed with serious clinical depression and started self harming and tryed to kill myself.
Im a lot better now ive had help to come to terms with what happend to me and stopped blaiming myself and im on medication which has gradually helped me be more stable.
Last year was when I hit as low as possible but now I feel I want to live I dont take things to serious anymore problem is im a different man to the one my wife married now doubt we will last I find myself allways looking for fun I now consider myself bi and open minded if someone offerd an affair I would take it cos I feel life is to short or am I being reckless?
Lee
chuzan chuzan 36-40, M 4 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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It's good you found some medication to help. That's a real horror story, but I can tell you have a strong spirit. I know how it feels to be tempted into an affair for lack of love and affection. I struggle with depression after a lot of abuse, it's hard to trust sometimes. *hugs*

Thank you x

its sad that you got raped but its good that your happy to be bi now :)

Thx x

Congratulations on thus-far making it through 'the valley of the shadow of death'. And though it IS a wonderful thing to be adventurous and open-minded, because you are one half of a marriage, please PLEASE discuss your thoughts and feelings openly with your wife FIRST, please do not act on any of these impulses without having discussed the matters openly and honestly with your wife.

You are the strongest person I know, I can't imagine being that positive and full of life after hitting such a low. I hope one day I'm as strong as you. Sophie x

Thank you it means a lot but still sometimes I cant get there laughing voices out my head

I bet, I know what it's like to be haunted by things but now you know you can laugh at them because you have become a good happy person and they will still be sad sickos :)

Dont Allways think im good im now a very highly trained martial arts instructor I allso train doorman and bodyguards but I wouldn't trust myself in same room asthe men

That's so cool and it wouldn't be anything they don't deserve x

Thx lol but I like to think I would just pitty them

You're very smart :)

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