Really Confuse And Don't Know Where I Stand

 I'm 47 years old and I found out in 1995 or 96 I was really interesting in women.  I did have my first sexual encounter and I really enjoy being with a  woman.

I was raise Catholic most of my life.  They are very strict as you know against gay and lesbian.  I tried other churches and one was a Lutheran church and the Pastor is gay himself.  Problem was that I'm hearing impaired and I need interpreter for the Hymn ( when the priest talk).  I don't get everything being said.   Now I'm in a Christian church which I love.  They do accept people no  matter what your sexuality is (straight, gay, bisexual, etc).  I do have a wonderful interpreter and I  learn a lot from that church and how to meditate. 

When I was young I was physically, mentally, verbally, and possible sexual abuse.  To make the long story short. I have this wall in front of me and is very hard to break down.  I feel like I'm trap and can't let people get close to me.  Only my family and some friend know I'm gay.   Another thing is  I see a guy and I think he is cute but of course he is marry and I don't have sexual desire with them but find them attractive.  I can't even talk to men about certain subject like sex, pap smear, woman's organs I get nervous and uncomfortable but yet with a woman I can do that.  Weird huh? I'm just confuse where I stand.  I used to go to PFLAG a long time ago.  One thing is that they will not provide an interpreter for me.  I'm currently seeing a  therapist and she told me that I'm trying too hard to figure out what I am and I should date both sexes and see which I like better.  I so confuse and don't know how to figure this sh*t out.  Can anyone help me.




loveyouhun loveyouhun
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 1, 2010

Sounds like you should see if being a lesbian will make you happy don't let society tell you who to be.