Perversion

All my life I have had cycles of nightmares and night terrors. I wake up with injuries I cant explain. I wake up with vivid repulsive details. Sometime I just wake up in the middle of a panic attack. I usually prefer the night terrors. I may be riddled with bruises, scrapes, and anxiety, but at least then I dont remember the dreams.

Recently I had a disturbing dream that felt real and has been in the back of my mind since. I dreamed I was with my dad and older sister. We were staying with him. (When we were younger we stayed between parental homes. His was usually bouncing between dwellings of his "good friends", who we often never saw again. These people were usually bad people.) In my dream my dad was raping me in the night. The song wasteland by 10 Years was on in the background. (I had recently downloaded it to mp3. The dream kinda ruined it for me.) My sister woke up and was angry at him and me. I felt the familiar shame and violation. It hurt. She was confronting us when I woke up with tears on my face.

Im used to having rape dreams or disturbing dreams. But not about my dad. I dont really no what to think about this. I just feel dirty all over.
ineffable76 ineffable76
18-21, F
Dec 11, 2012