Mind Over Heart

It's like I try and see every possible immediate future for any given move I make, or thing I say. I even play out situations in my head of what I think MIGHT happen when I'm alone. So when it came to the first guy asking me out, my mind was completely flipping out.

He called me once, for a movie, but I kept thinking it would be SO awkward if we couldn't find enough things to say, and that I don't know him enough to just wing it, and blah blah blah. So I said no.
He called me twice, and same deal.
After that, I started hanging around him more, planning out everything, analyzing everything, testing everything. At the end of the school year, we exchanged AIM screen names. This was the perfect setting for me. I love to get to know someone online. Especially in this case, where I wanted to watch exactly what I said. I could actually be delayed a bit in what I said, and not have it be awkward. I could think over everything before I responded. [As it turns out, that guy became my current boyfriend =P]

The list can go on and on. There are so many things that I stop and think about, that it sometimes worries my friends. I sometimes wish that I could turn it all off, and be spontaneous, but I know that wouldn't be me. I like thinking the way I do. It's gotten me this far in life without too much drama =P
Kagit Kagit
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 10, 2007

I don't really understand your question over9000... I would be happy to answer, if you would clarify it for me...