A Waste Of Your Time.

I feel like I'm just posting the same things over and over.  I'm tryn to avoid that this time.  I just want to stop wasting everyone's time.  

After finding this site, I decided to join so that I could post things and not care what people think.  But that feeling went away somehow when I started talking to ppl on this site. 

I feel like, for some reason or another, I say something wrong or start bugging/annoying them.  [This happens in 'real life' too; there are at least 2 ppl I can think of that I'm not sure about]  Am I messaging or commenting on their stuff too much? Are my comments too long?  What kind of convo are they tryn to have and am I replying the right way or divulging too much too soon?  They don't say anything to make me think that, it's jus... I guess it's that I cannot tell if I am being rejected or not and I'm always paranoid that I am.  I mean, if someone doesn't text, msg, or call me back more than once, I assume it's because I bother them or they don't want to be around me. 

I jus don't wanna be the person that won't leave you alone or is too overbearing, even when you try to let them know that's the case.  I don't wanna come off like a stalker jus because I read a few things you post and comment on more than one of them. 

I need to get back into the mindset where this is a site that I joined for myself, not to entertain or avoid bothering others.  I can say it, but I can't do it.  I think I'm going to stop trying to initiate convos,etc w ppl.  If they make the first move it's safer and means that they at least don't find my posts to be obnoxious or watevr... 

MeMena MeMena
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 5, 2010

Haha, so you're one of them! Jkjk I guess I'm really just worried that someone will stumble upon my profile, not on purpose. I have so many obvious tells... The way I type, the stuff I say... IDK, I'm working on it and I'm getting better about it :)

Don't worry so much. Just be here and enjoy it... don't worry about it. Its unlikely anyone will ever find your profile here in your RL. Hell I tried to look for a friend of mine thinking she made a profile... I couldn't find her. I tried hard too. So yeah... don't worry :)

See the problem is that a lot of this stuff is stuff that I have hinted at or mentioned to other people, and if they found and read it, they would def kno who I am. I have a lot to lose, beyond what others' opinions here are. A lot of opportunities would be lost. Plus, with some of this stuff, I'm so used to saying/believing it that it's automatic for me to relay it here. 'Lies' become a part of my reality, I guess. It's so hard to dig down to the truth. I'm used to being 'the crazy one' but in harmless ways. It's habit not to tell them how/the ways in which I'm really 'crazy.' In addition, being PC or something like it (that's not the right word) is a reflex maybe because of my studies in philosophy. It's like I have to make sure what I say is exact and has no loop-holes. I can't really explain it. It wouldn't even make sense to fellow philosophy majors, I bet. That makes no sense to even mention, really...

The nice thing about this site is that unless someone has a profile they can't see yours. And unless you tell someone who you are or they can tell who you are.. its not likely someone in your RL will find you. But I guess I don't really care if they do or not. As for the people i find here? Personally they can like me or not. I'm putting my full self out here and I hope some people relate but if not? Its not going to hurt me any. I'm sure you've found people who relate to you... if they get annoyed or offended.. its likely they're not on the same direction as you anyway.

I do. I'm thinking about your question, and it's like, idk y... I can get up on a stage in front of loads of people and I'm so comfortable, but when there's nothing separating you from people and you're mingling with them, things change. I think that kinda applies to this site too sometimes. Social stuff on the internet is supposed to be freeing, and 'you can be whoever you want to be' but when you're here and trying to be yourself, it doesn't always feel freeing...

I know exactly how you feel. There is so much sometimes I want to write about but now that I know people i know they will be judging what I say. So most of things I want to write about I never write about. Why is it so hard to be our selfs with people we know? Its not that I have anything to hide. I think judging by this story you understand what I mean.