Shy Girl

  I have a social phobia. I threat social events to a point of madenss. Social events as small as going to movies with more then two people. I think of my feared events weeks ahead driving myself crazy. I create different situations like small conversations with others on a party in my head and imagine how I will fail to respond. I am convinced that people think that I am superficial, stuck up, or have no personality just because I am so shy. I cannot talk in front of others unless I know them well, or the conversation is work related and I have a purpose to address.

It causes me a great amount of grief, and pain. I make my boyfriend miserable. I suffer from very very low self esteem which makes me jealous of everyone that does not. Sometimes I think I am seriously messed-up in a head and just want to be someone else. I underestimate my accomplishments and constantly give others credit for my own work.

I am aware of all of this and cannot do a thing about it. All these thoughts are coming to my head and I have no power over them.

kajujinka kajujinka
26-30, F
3 Responses Dec 1, 2006

You are simply an introvert. It is not a disorder, or a death sentence, though it sometimes feels like one. I know because I am the same way, I dread social events and often plan them in my head weeks in advance to. Books and therapy may help but instead of trying to change who you are learn to become comfortable in your shoes.

I have all the same feelings. You can change it. Even if it is just a little. I don't know how old you are, but because you are aware of it, then you can learn more about why. I suggest seeing a therapist. Or read books. It is the low self esteem or insecurity that makes you feel jealous. I have been like this. My brain tells me don't be silly but my body reacts. You can change this. Right now, I just avoid situations that will make me uncomfortable. I am trying to change things so that this will not be a problem. Or maybe I am just not a social person. Still trying to figure it out. But I am thinking differently and it helps tremendously.

I know how you feel.