What Would Life Be Like If She Was Still Here? Should I Hate Him For What He Done?

I was only 6 years old when it happened, but I remember as if it was yesterday.

There was a chill to the air, and something dark that I couldn't put my finger on. 

'Granny has gone to heaven sweetheart'

Pain, aching, grief...something was happening inside me, what was it? I ran to the bathroom and was sick.

I loved her so much, she was the only person I would happily go away with for the day. She was my granny, she loved me, she was gone.

A few months later a film crew came to our house, I didn't know then but they were filming a documentary about what had happened to my granny..

They would arrive with mountains of chocolate for me, all different kind of cakes and sweets (it maybe was just a bag full, but to me and in my memories it was lot's!) I  remember them speaking so nice to me, I must have done something really good to be getting all this!

They were there for a few months, on and off, back to do retakes. I sort of knew by then it was something to do with my granny, my mum had also answered 'Where is granddad Donald' (wow that's the first time I have wrote his name.....I feel strange!) she replied with 'He hurt granny and is a bad man, and wont be back in our lifes' sort of thing...

Donald wasn't my mothers father, he was a guy my granny had met after her second child's, my uncles father. I remember us all round her kitchen table with our porridge. A happy family. I loved my Granny and Granddad.

Love had turned to hate when I found out what 'Granddad' had done to Granny, I had been at Primary School and other kids had been laughing and teasing me.  The taunts 'Your granddad killed your granny' 'He stabbed her' 'weirdo' ....I was hurt! By now I was 7, I hated the pity even more, the looks that asked if you were ok, did you need anything? 

I cried when I got home, my mum phoned the school bullies mother's. She then put the tape on for me to watch.

My granny was killed in cold blood by her own husband, the guy in the documentary had said that she had been stabbed up to 7 times and left in a scaulding hot bath to die, this however was not the truth, they had tried to 'glamorise' our grief and heartache..

She had been strangled and then put in a hot bath, he had then ran out of the house and told two women that he had just murdered his wife. He was then caught.

When it came to his course case he pleaded insanity, he won. He got away with murder.

Later on in my life I spoke with my mother about it, she told me that a few day's before it had all happened we had all been round at the house, he had locked the front door and said that he was going to kill us all. Luckily my father was on his way over...

Do I hate him? Yes

Do I want revenge? Yes

Have I forgiven him? No

Have I moved on? Yes

Life is short, it has it's up's and down's, life is what you make of it. We have sad days, happy days, up days, down days. Life is life..I'm leading mine, I'm living mine...

DitaVonDiva DitaVonDiva
22-25, F
Feb 23, 2010