In the Face of Temptation I Am Loyal

One of my employees has admitted that he finds me very attractive.  I originally thought "oh how inappropriate" but since then I've realized that we have real sparks between us.

My marriage is on the rocks, and has been for two years.  My husband and I have a lot of major differences that we'll never be able to see past.  We're trying desperately to make it work, but it will inevitably end badly.

This employee is my age (my husband is 17 years my senior), very attractive, and probably one of the most considerate human beings I know.  But I made my situation clear by saying to him: "We can both agree that there is chemistry between us, but I am married and can not be involved with you now.  I don't want this to come in the way of our business, but if we can't behave ourselves I will transfer you to another division".

Even though my husband and I have problems and are both aware that our relationship is in trouble, I would never want him to cheat on me...and I wouldn't want to hurt him either.
Puzzle Puzzle
22-25, F
16 Responses Aug 12, 2007

add me please

You are a good wife

Yes! I salute you!

Bravo!! This was so refreshing to read! I hope you're able to keep it up.

I have been in this situation. I would just put emotional distance between us. It will give you a really great friend ship.

i admire your character! and feel the same. cheating is abusive, disrespectful, and cruel. i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

i admire your character! and feel the same. cheating is abusive, disrespectful, and cruel. i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

UPDATE:<br />
<br />
Things have gone very smoothly lately in this scenario. I was quite pleased to find out that my employee was and has been very respectful and considerate to my feelings.<br />
<br />
Yesterday we were doing an overhaul on the leopard's enclosure (redecorating mostly, tearing down old branches and putting up new ones, switching gravel, etc.). He looked over at me, visibly struggling to hold up a heavy branch that he had just torn down, and spat out, "Ok, can I just say one thing and then I swear to God I'll never address this again".<br />
<br />
I stopped what I was doing and said, "Sure".<br />
<br />
He huffed and puffed under the weight of the branch but did not put it down. He says, "I just want you to know that whatever happens between you and your husband, I'll be here for you. And not in a creep way, I mean...I mean that if you ever need to talk to someone, I won't give you any funny business."<br />
<br />
I grinned and said that I'd accept his offer. <br />
<br />
The marriage itself has reached another plateau. I'm beginning to think that I should just sit him down and explain that it just isn't working. I don't hate my husband, I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to keep wasting time on something that just isn't getting better. <br />
<br />
Thanks for all of your wonderful comments. I feel so gosh darn lucky that I've got self-control...as much as I'd LOVE to pretend that it's ok to have an affair ("oh it ain't working anyway, whats the harm?"), it would be a shameful and devious and outright awful of me to do that.

Kudos for the demonstration of wisdom, insight and clear-mindedness. What you say is completely true, that attraction and chemistry are not a choice - but what we chose to do about it is entirely in our hands. <br />
<br />
I feel you have conducted yourself with admirable integrity and maturity; far greater maturity than many people much older than yourself, which is just another good example of how chronological age is a poor reflection of true maturity. <br />
<br />
Good story, thanks for telling it :)

Aulara - <br />
<br />
It wouldn't be possible to "avoid temptation" altogether. You can't ignore your body chemistry...<br />
<br />
But you CAN address it, acknowledge it, dismiss its possibility, and go on with your life.

I, like Iris, appreciate your strength also. I don't know many men who would resist, and even know alot of women who wouldn't either.<br />
<br />
I see there is a good reason for not transferring him and I guess if you can stay strong and he stays in line, then I don't see why things can't stay the way they are.<br />
<br />
But perhaps it is wiser to avoid temptation altogether?

Witty -<br />
<br />
I am an animal trainer at a zoo here, specifically big cats. This employee was hired specifically because of his background and experience with big cats. And even though it probably is wiser to transfer him to, say, South American Mammals, I really do need him there.<br />
<br />
Besides, we have unprotected contact with several of the cats and I'd rather have an experienced wrangler than someone from Small Mammals.

I think there are men capable of resisting temptation, but I think women are more likely to resist. In part it is genetic, the spread your seed mentality, but a larger part is a person basic character.<br />
<br />
While I comend your action so far Puzzle, I think you are tempting fate by not transferring him now. Besides the marriage issue, it is usually not a good idea to get involved with someone at work, especially when one has authority over another.

iris, I truly don't believe that. I know many , many Loving and Loyal men.

Wow, refreashing, so many times I read stories and I want to comment , but know it would not be appreciated. I think if you and your husband try all you can do to make your marrage work and for what ever reason it doesn't , then divorce, it is posible to remain friends. Then you are free to pursue someone else, such tangled webs people weave for themselves. You are right to give your husband the respect and digity you exspect. Bravo to you....

I appreciate your loyalty and strength. Only a woman is capable of it.