Intentional Desperation

Lately I've been enjoying my pee fetish more frequently than ever before. Four times today, with soaking wet panties and pants every time. "Enjoying" isn't entirely accurate — it's been fairly stressful.

The first time was about a half hour before my wife got out of bed. She normally sleeps an hour or two more than I do, and I often take advantage of that, enjoying a cup of coffee while reading, and eventually soaking myself thoroughly where I'm sitting. (A sheet of plastic and a couple of hand towels keep things tidy.)

Up until a few months ago, I rarely did that, but now it's a daily affair. And now I'm enjoying more fetish play when my wife goes to work, three mornings a week. This morning I tried out a Depends diaper, and it got pretty messy, with more than just pee. This afternoon there was a bonus: my wife had a dental appointment, and I stayed at home enjoy still more fetish play, including some anal insertions. And this evening, sitting at my desk, I soaked my jeans while she sat in the next room. Today set a new record, I think. 

I can't really explain this behaviour. Perhaps it's the "low-inhibition proneness" that a psychologist warned me about: fetish behaviour, because it's so damned enjoyable, can lead to more frequent and more extreme fetish behaviour. There was a time several years ago when I would "mess around" only occasionally, sometimes going weeks between sessions. But in recent years, a lot has changed. Retirement, moving to new city, and some extraordinary stresses (children having relationship problems and job problems, a near-fatal accident involving a daughter-in-law, and age-related illness, not to mention Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my combat "tour" in Vietnam) have resulted in daily life that is far from relaxing.

My wife knows about my fetishes, and has given me her blessing, so to speak, although she doesn't engage in them herself. She has discovered, with my help, that she can send me to Nirvana (temporarily) by caressing and pressing against my anus through my nylon panties. Wow. Having said that, I think she would be distressed to know how often I'm turning to my fetishes. What to do, what to do.... Thanks, God. How considerate of you, to saddle me with this stuff....

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1 Response Nov 29, 2012

Retirement is supposed to offer a reduction of stress, but for you it seems to have increased. I'm sorry to see that. If harmless fetish behaviors give you relief, and if there is no objection from your wife, then go for it!