My Obsession

I count them every day. The moment I wake up and have some breakfast, I have to count exactly how many calories are in what I'm eating. Usually for breakfast I won't eat more than 200 calories. For lunch, I give myself a little more leeway to eat something more fulfilling, and for dinner I usually eat a little more than lunch. I try to keep my calories under 1500 so I won't get bigger, but depriving myself makes me want to eat 20lbs of food.

I hate when friends ask me to go out to eat with them because I feel like I have to look up what the calories are for my dish, so that I will still be able to keep count of my calories for the day. But going to a restaurant makes me want to eat whatever is in sight, so I usually deviate from my caloric allowance. Then I get upset at myself and slip into a slight depression.

I know my calorie counting is an obsession. I just don't think could eat anything without trying to count the calories. I miss the younger days when calories didn't matter.