I Crave A Family.

The feelings behind the preceding statement defy description. I could write very long, and poignantly, but unless you are yourself in any way remotely experienced in the sort of loss that I am trying to talk about, this is just another story that is meaningless to you, who has in his or her mobile phone's directory several of their family members; you may have talked to some of them today. You've sat for a meal together and shared laughs and no one was tense or other than authentically themselves. If this is true for you, and I suppose it is for most, unless I am deluded, I am happy for you. I suppose that the experiences that befall us do because we are going to receive enough grace to bear them, through Life's very experiences, in a paradoxical way. The experience that makes you suffer, simultaneously, trains you to bear the experience. I would rather skip both the experience and the training, thank you! But I get no vote on this. ~ I usually focus on all the pluses in my Life (which are many). Refuse to dwell on the minuses. I insist on having faith that, one day, perhaps, I might yet be privileged enough to enter a family and function as a member. I am not talking about having children at all here. But about integrating in a socially functional family, with all it's woes and glory. But if not, which is a distinct probability, I will continue to seek for my own family, as I am now.

This feeling I have as I write this story reminds me very much of the very first entry I ever made on EP in February of 2009 on a Sunday as today, when I typed on google "I am lonely" and it was my time to find EP. It's been quite a journey since. And, although alone, I don't often feel lonely. That in itself, qualifies as a miracle.

In this and other ways, I am unique. Some people in this "forum" seek to remain anonymous. That's fine, I get that. But I look for genuine people with a parallel spirit. That sigh at the same things, rejoice at the same things and long for the same things. That aren't afraid to be real, and to risk a little. I want to treasure these people for the rest of my Life. I am thankful for this venue, which, though imperfect, is a tremendous tool in bringing like-minded, like-spirited people together. If you knew the particulars, you might understand the reason for this compelling drive.

At any rate, I am very thankful (you have NO IDEA how thankful) for every single one that I've come across. This was my very first experience of the world, really. And it has been good. Very good. I thank you, even you reading this. Don't forget that you touch people everywhere you go, even if they can't see you. It's important how you treat others always, you may be the only family they have.
Evania Evania
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I don't really know the complete loss of family you are talking about. I had a few years where my parents and I stopped talking. They missed the first 4 years of our youngest sons life.<br />
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But I broke and our family started healing...and even then I had my wife and kids. We are functionally dysfunctional. It's not so bad.<br />
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I would love to have you in my EP family.

Koy, as usual, your words were all in their right place and held a special meaning. The type of thing that one should endeavor to not forget; as it is more automatic to forget, and hastily conduct our "business" and interactions in a way that is not warm and personal, as it should be. But how fulfilling it is to do as you say, and to infuse every interaction with Presence, with sincerity and care. Big hugs to you too. You are one of such Treasures I speak of. Thank You.

Hi Evania<br />
Well said.<br />
ep is an important place for sure.<br />
People maybe forget or reject that they are responsible for all they do and act with casual or even determined cruelty. It seems to me it is only by being responsible for everything that anything has any meaning at all. Certainly treat every person in every interaction as an end in itself not a means to an end. This is Kant's Moral Imperative and I am happy with it.<br />
hugs Viv<br />