My Fault

I know the reason why i am so sad and depressed is all my fault. From all the mistakes I've made, to all the things I've done, to all the things I've said. They all screwed up my life. I havent been happy in so very long. I don't know when was the last time I actually smiled without having to fake it. I think that I am too afraid to be happy because I forgot what it felt like, maybe its because I am not even trying to better myself.

cementerygates cementerygates
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 5, 2008

i feel for you and I do the same to myself. Somehow we gotta stop kicking ourselves when we are down! I am afraid too. Its the what ifs? What if I can never be happy again. What if I am just a miserable person.

hi cementerygates,<br />
<br />
Which portion of U condemns the other U? I think the U created out of your social rules and dogmas condemn U which has done some acts? U pardon U for the acts if these were harmful to others and pardoning starts at self. U pardon urself and the world will pardon U. U may like to talk to me in paltalk my id is kvbdevi.

Alot of times my happiness is just a circumstance related to the role i play in others lives and i make that hard for myself to see by pushing others out my life by relating to those i know whpo have killed themselves, i know i should go out to find new friends, but its too much to ask at least some of the time, i don't want to blame myself but find it easy when i've drank away the afternoon and start wanting the things i know are unreal and dangerous, i like the mundane, so it serves me, thats the comedy of it all, i'd be these peoples friends, so they survive in infamy, and i always hope to join them some how, its sick really

damn! this is like listening to the voices in my head...... i brought all this sadness on myself.....and there is no one to blame but me....... but no worries....they say that the darkest hour of night comes just before dawn...well we'll see about that.....message me if i can help..alwyas here