I Can Feel The Tears Begin To Rise

I could have sworn I caught the scent of your aftershave. It just drifted past me as I was sitting in front of the TV.

I wasn't  watching it. I was just, sitting til sleep caught up with me. And the wind was blowing outside,  dry leaves scratching against the screen.

And there it was, spicy, crisp. Just a hint.

And I felt the tears rise. Maybe it's because of the weekend. Your birthday, Valentine's Day.

I tried to laugh, I did, thinking about the chocolate cake, the first since you were 18. Valentine's Day. Gawds no roses. Your face when I said 'No, roses". But I knew there would be flowers.  So the laughter never made it.  But the tears did.

I never knew a person could cry so many tears, and still have more.

I'm not  sobbing any more. But the pain hasn't eased. If anything, it has made itself at home, deep inside, where I used to have a soul.

But I cried, and cried, quiet, slow tears. The ones that just keep coming. My head hurt, my heart hurt, and still the tears came. I must have turned off the TV as I slipped into the darkness.

I don't remember falling asleep. I woke and it was still dark. I listened, I waited, and there was no sound. No scent, no sign that you, or your spirit, had ever been with me.

The only thing reminding me was the bitter taste of tears still on my lips.

I went to bed. And as I was drifting off once more, the tears came.

Tzech Tzech
46-50, F
1 Response Feb 11, 2010

You are living probably my biggest fear and biggest challenge I'll ever live through. Why does life have to hurt so much? There's nothing to be said or done..........I'm sorry for your loss!