In The Beginning
I was just trying to recall when I started to cross-dress and thought I would share some experiences here. Probably my first tendency were at a very early age, as I remember as young child of 6 or 7 sneaking pairs of panties from my Mother or sister and getting in trouble for sleeping with them and using them as a security object. Later as a teenager when I was left alone I would further experiment and slip on panties and bras, try on skirts and heels and walk around the house feeling the sensations of wearing different clothes. In college one time my laundry got mixed up with some girl's and i ended up with an extensive collection of panties which I spent the reminder of the term enjoying secretly wearing to class and about campus. But really my first real times cross-dressing was in my mid 20s. I needed an apartment for a new job in a hurry, and managed to sublet a condo from a woman who just had been relocated as well. After I moved in, I discovered in a storage closet an extensive wardrobe of clothes that she had left behind - blouses, skirts, dresses, heels in the most wonderfully soft cotton and silk fabrics. After contacting her about these, she told me she didn't want them back and as luck would have it her size was actually perhaps 1 size larger than me. I remember for the next year or so loving coming home from work, stripping down and showering, and then slipping into one of the many wonderful ensembles of hers that I keep in my closet. At first I felt it was some sexual need but soon felt that it was soothing in a sense and just felt good to be dressed feminine. I went out and added to her collection with some of my own and started experimenting with makeup and polish in the wonderful privacy and freedom that my new haven provided. Of course eventually one day I think I left a shade open and some neighbor saw me dressed, and feelings of self-guilt and shame of my actions (I lived and grew up in a very conservative area) finally got the better of me and I would do the first purge of future ones. Today I think back and wish that their were places like the internet back then to share and talk safely with others, and perhaps my self-relization would have taken a much different and quicker router, but looking back who knows? I am not approaching 40 and my desire to cross-dress has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I think I am ready to finally be true to my real feelings regardless of all the painful feelings that having these desires has caused me inside. Anyways, thank you for letting me share my thoughts here, as each small step of coming out with my stories helps me step by step along my journey. I wish anyone else with a similar struggle and trials the strength and support that knowing they are not alone can provide. Namaste.