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In The Beginning

I was just trying to recall when I started to cross-dress and thought I would share some experiences here. Probably my first tendency were at a very early age, as I remember as young child of 6 or 7 sneaking pairs of panties from my Mother or sister and getting in trouble for sleeping with them and using them as a security object. Later as a teenager when I was left alone I would further experiment and slip on panties and bras, try on skirts and heels and walk around the house feeling the sensations of wearing different clothes. In college one time my laundry got mixed up with some girl's and i ended up with an extensive collection of panties which I spent the reminder of the term enjoying secretly wearing to class and about campus. But really my first real times cross-dressing was in my mid 20s. I needed an apartment for a new job in a hurry, and managed to sublet a condo from a woman who just had been relocated as well. After I moved in, I discovered in a storage closet an extensive wardrobe of clothes that she had left behind - blouses, skirts, dresses, heels in the most wonderfully soft cotton and silk fabrics. After contacting her about these, she told me she didn't want them back and as luck would have it her size was actually perhaps 1 size larger than me. I remember for the next year or so loving coming home from work, stripping down and showering, and then slipping into one of the many wonderful ensembles of hers that I keep in my closet. At first I felt it was some sexual need but soon felt that it was soothing in a sense and just felt good to be dressed feminine. I went out and added to her collection with some of my own and started experimenting with makeup and polish in the wonderful privacy and freedom that my new haven provided. Of course eventually one day I think I left a shade open and some neighbor saw me dressed, and feelings of self-guilt and shame of my actions (I lived and grew up in a very conservative area) finally got the better of me and I would do the first purge of future ones. Today I think back and wish that their were places like the internet back then to share and talk safely with others, and perhaps my self-relization would have taken a much different and quicker router, but looking back who knows? I am not approaching 40 and my desire to cross-dress has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I think I am ready to finally be true to my real feelings regardless of all the painful feelings that having these desires has caused me inside. Anyways, thank you for letting me share my thoughts here, as each small step of coming out with my stories helps me step by step along my journey. I wish anyone else with a similar struggle and trials the strength and support that knowing they are not alone can provide. Namaste.
jacqueline1972 jacqueline1972 36-40, T 11 Responses Jun 6, 2012

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Thanks for sharing. I have had similar feelings and common experiences. I have gone thru many binge and purge cycles myself. As I get older I have come to accept that this is just part of me and is truly harmless, and now the internet has let me realize that I am not alone and for that I am grateful

Learning who we are takes many roads but the destination is pretty much the same for most of us. Some start with an unknown desire to dress feminine which progresses to other female related activities. What I have discovered is that as the journey continues the need to push the so called boundaries does as well. I have crossed many thresholds but perhaps the most significant was when I finally experienced the most intimate relations with a male. Every thought and feeling I had had up to that point suddenly made sense and I knew for sure this is who and what I am.

cross dressing is very different than wanting a sex change. Are you attracted to men? Do you wish to be a woman and have sex-ual relations with a man or are you a man turned on by cross dressing?

I can relate to this completely, I haven't tried make-up & a wig yet, but I used to wear my moms dresses and lingerie around the house.

Then I started my own wardrobe, I had a beautiful satin strapless gown, a blue evening dress, but my mom found my dresses and threw them out.

Well written! My own history with cross dressing mimics yours to a large extent. I can really identify with your words and the feelings behind them. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. Not proud of this but in college in the coed dorm I lived in,it had a community laundry room. Sometimes if nobody was around I would steal a pair of panties out of a laundry basket and play in them.

And so it seems to go for so many of us. The desire to crossdress usually begins at a reasonably young age. For me it was the adolescent years (beginning at 12). For some it begins earlier, and there are a handful of those for whom crossdressing starts at when they are older. <br />
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And of course, when we are still young (particularly the teenage years) crossdressing is a highly erotic experience. Most of us (myself included) crossdress because of the sexual pleasure it provides. The sexual aspect of crossdressing wanes as we age. For some, it goes away, and crossdressing becomes a method of relaxation. For others, the sexual arousal continues. I still find crossdressing to be sexually stimulating. It's not like when I was 15, but I still find it arousing. I've often wondered if the sexual stimulation is directly tied to the element that crossdressing is taboo. Would we still find it erotic if boys routinely wore dresses, skirts, hose and heels - and it was considered socially acceptable? <br />
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Regardless - it seems that virtually all of us who would label themselves as crossdressers go through the sort of life journey. Thanks for sharing yours.<br />
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P.S. - must have been a lot of fun going through that women's clothing when she told you that she didn't want them!

You've brought up many things we struggle with. Feel free to write more experiences.

Purging never last's for long. The absence of clothes of 'our other half' (or more) can go to a quiet place for varying lengths of time, but she returns. In my case much more intense. You never forget those collectables. My firt serious collection was from stores popular in the 50's and 60's wh were selling our 'old stock'. Glad to hear that you are enjoying your true-self again. Please keep us posted.

Fabulous sweetie<br />
Hugs<br />
Sammi

I think we all have purged everything at one time or another because of guilt for liking something we were told we shouldn,t this was installed in us at a very young age and as you get older you come to sense that you who you are and someone might have been filling us up with bs over what we are supposed to be. just learn to like yourself and you will be happy