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No One Hears My Cries

On my way to work, I drive and as I drop my kids off to school and start the long journey to work, I start to think about all that I have been through and the mistakes I have made. Then I try to think of ideas or quick solutions to make me feel better about my situation. My financial debt and loneliness is killing me. As I turn the corner into my job I cry just thinking about all the things that race in my mind. Sometimes I think my kids would be better off without me and then I think they need me at the same time. I have closed my self off and the only time I smile is at work. When I am at work there is nothing to think about but work and being busy I have no time to think about how sad I really am. But at work there are so many other people that are sad and it shows on their face so I try to make them feel better everyday. Even if its a joke or something crazy I say I always have people laughing for 8hours and then its time to go home alone driving to pick up the kids and I try to smile for them but everything that is wrong keeps piling up on me and I get so tired.I don't know if it is me going through being a single parent alone that has me so down. I really dont know what to do anymore, I have ran out of ideas
lija30 lija30 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 23, 2011

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I feel the same way, I am ok during the day, but after work I get very sad.

take care

I know it's hard but try to make time to just laugh and be silly at home, with friends, and your children sometimes.

having two kids that love you is beautiful

I was a single mom too. I know how hard it is. I worked 2 jobs...totally about 50 hrs. a week plus I was going to college full time. It was one of the hardest times in my life. At times I thought I was going to break. My daughter and knowing I was bettering myself by going to school is what kept me going. I knew after school my life would get better...and it did. Just hang in there...reach for higher goals, and ask for help. It is hard to do it on your own. I refused welfare...but I did get subsidized child care, and free college. It is definitely something to think about. You will be in my thoughts and prayers:)

I am the same way. When I am at work, I am usually in a good mood. I laugh with my co-workers and things are good. But, when I come home each day, The only other person in the house is my older brother. He is a good guy, but we just don't have much of anyrthing in common. So, eat dinner and retreat to my room, which I call my santuary. I have my TV, I love Netflix, and my laptop, as well as a couple of drinks each night. I never drink any other time except at night, it just helps me unwind. There are times when I love being alone, because I can just be myself, and I don't have to act a certain way around others. I am sorry about your financial situation. I went bankrupt 12 years ago, and managed to stay out of debt since, thank God, But, at least you still have your kids. Someday, they will appreciate everything you have done for them.