Who Knows Anymore
I recently found out I am losing my job at the end of June this year. At first I thought how am I going to make it and I am still going through so much just to maintain what I do have now. The person I want to be with is miles away from me and at times I feel discouraged as if I won't ever see him. The other day my kids came to me and said, "why you so sad all the time mom." and really I have no answers as to why I am so sad. Most of my sadness is from finances so this is my outside sadness. My inner sadness comes from not being good enough to be liked or anything. I have real problems with my attitude and how I treat people. I read so many different things on how to appear more happy or how to even smile more but nothing works. I want to laugh and have fun but its too hard to show that kind of face now when I have so many things to deal with. Losing my job is a major setback and I don't know how I am going to cope. I never been with a job really and I am not sure if i will be able to endure what is coming next. They have all these websites on how to do this or that but nothing what to do when nothing goes right. What do you do when you have no more hope? Are you supposed to sit and cry? Do walk around with your head hanging down? This face of sadness I wish it would go away but I don't even know how. Some days I laugh with my kids just to keep them in good spirits. I really don't want them to know how depressed I am or how i feel. Everyday I feel so weak that I just stay in the house so nobody else will no anything. The only thing I do to take the edge off is to write in my blog. Im not sure how things will end any more.