I Cry Almost Everyday

So I sit and tearfully watch my life go on and away. This is said to be the best time of someone's life in general, where you're young and beautiful, but... **** that this went all wrong to me. I want to go back to my old self, when I was a kid I was so happy, now I'm 15 and my life is upside down, no one is like me, it's freaking weird. I go to class and dare to not say a word to anyone and it makes me suffer although that's what I want, because I'm a coward. It seems to me I want people to come close to me begging for my friendship, and I want so much to talk to them. Actually many people have come to talk to me and I always try to end up the talk as soon as possible or ignore them . AM I CRAZY?! That's what it looks ya know.... Maybe I'm too afraid to show my personality, which I'm totally not satisfied with and don't want people to see what my self don't want to be everyday. I want to be calm and don't care about them . To be cool my own way and simply forget everything. Teenagehood is so hard, it's said to be a stage of life but I wonder how many scars I'll bring to future life. I cry almost everyday but I have never changed inside, I'm still a happy, jumpy person under a mask. My old friends let go of me 7 times... I don't have any friend either, I cry 'cuz of friends, my father, my house, I'm unhappy and I cry... at school, at home, at parties, I see everyone having fun while I sit and watch my life go on and away. I cry rivers of tears, My pillow is always wet, no wonder why. 
Damn, I want to be happy, why do I depend on them to be happy? I'm not confident at all, because of this, because of that. wtf....
deleted deleted
26-30
Aug 11, 2011