Blazers And Jeans

A few days ago, one of my friends told me she had lost her virginity and was scared she might be pregnant. I calmed her down, helped her with research, and sat with her as we waited for the results of the pregnancy test. I held her in my arms as she criend with releif at the negative sign. I cleaned her up, and took her out to clear her head.

As I sat in my room alone that night, I wondered what it would be like to have a friend i could talk to about anything. I thought about what i would do if i needed someone to sit with me while i peed on a stick. And then it hit me. I had noone. My parents are always busy with work, or traveling... and besides, they're my PARENTS. As for the people I call my freinds, the deepest conversation we've had is about which blazer would look cuter with a pair of jeans. I felt a tear roll down my face, then i was sobbing, crying and bawling. I hate feeling sorry for myself, it makes me feel so weak. But when I try to forget abou it... it just slaps me in the face.

I know without a doubt that I would always be there for those people I talk to about blazers.... who cares if we're not close? We're a little more than strangers, so I don't see a problem with being their rock. I know I wish I had one, and it just feels right to be there for them. That way I don't think about how I have nobody to go to. It is so hard crying every night or dying on the inside when I push my loneliness away unconsciously.
I wonder what I have ever done to deserve this.
Loveisalive Loveisalive
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 13, 2012

It is difficult being the 'strong' one. At times, that isn't even what you want. You desire to feel that weakness so others can come to your aid. To feel that love surround you; that no matter what you do, you have the support of those that'll cushion the fall if ever you fail.<br />
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You are still Alive, so that whole dying inside part... feels like it, but you are not. It is a desire of what you really would want.<br />
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Have you joined clubs or organizations that peak your interest? Besides this site, have you visited forums of people, places, and things that get your mind and heart going?<br />
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It is hard going it alone, but when you are looking back and see how far you've crossed, now that you have a partner, friends and family to share your Life with, you'll nod and agree that it was all worth it.