Tears On My Pillow

.... Its when i try not to ... the throat hurts .. the eyes itch.. the nose twitches... i try to find a happy place .. then & then the floodgates open and it just happens ... there was a time in my life when i was with my ex and i would get sad and just curl up on my bed and cry ... and when my little kiddies would come in it would break my heart that they saw mummy crying and i would bury my head further in the pillow .. and i would try not to cry .. sweet angel voices whispered to each other  " Shhh mummy's sleeping .." they would shut the door and tip toe downstairs to let daddy know & then they would get in trouble for being upstairs and the tears would flow again ... for being weak ... I would cry silents tears until they dried and i would motivate myself to trust in moving... and then i would hear him give the kids a pack of chips and send them outside and id curl up tighter knowing he was coming upstairs.... the tears would start again and i wished for sleep or worse... he would come in and sit on the bed.... Watching my back.. knowing i was awake... i would listen to my kids laughter as they played outside and longed for the day i could join them and they would never have to see mummy cry... 

 

 

caroli9 caroli9
41-45, F
May 30, 2007