It's Not My Party

When I was little, even as a toddler, I rarely cried.  My parents were astounded by their luck:  what a well-behaved baby!  But as my tear ducts seemed to mature faster than the rest of me, I slowly developed the ability to cry at the drop of a hat.  My parents took to calling me crybaby to get me stop, but that only aggravated the problem.  They could simply raise their voice and without considering what words were attached to the inflection, a pout would form.  Strangely enough though, I never cried in public.  My friends thought I could be oblivious or silly or serious, but no one ever Ever called me a crybaby at school.

I kept this same habit of crying privately when I went to college, reserving my outbursts of emotion for my dorm room or the bathroom.  Of course, I always cried at movies (ANY and EVERY movie) and even while reading books...but considering I screamed and grabbed my co-watchers during scary movies this was all attributed to my profound ability to "suspend disbelief."  Only during graduation did I slip up and let a few tears drop.  But even that was not unwarranted.

Now I starting grad school after spending a year out of the country living near my family far away.  While the experience definitely broadened my horizons, I find myself getting teary-eyed whenever I talk about them.  I do miss them and that is definitely a part of it.  But also, after witnessing the misery and the issues that plague them, I wonder just how much of their emotional instability runs through my system, how much of their ability to completely miserable.  I find myself tearing up whether I consider this possibility emotionally OR intellectually.  I don't feel any better afterwards and I can't stop myself when it starts, there seems to be no rationale for it, and unlike my past ability to at least hide my tears from some people, I seemingly have no control...

Has crying become my bad habit? 
soledeadolci soledeadolci
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2007

its how you were made... your emotional side is strong and very aware. Sure like all things we are given you can train it to your advantage..

It sounds like you have some personal conflicts that your tears are a sign of. Maybe once you get some of the conflicted feelings towards your family worked out, you will be able to stop crying whenever you think of them