He Makes Me Sick!
My husband just makes me sick, I can't stand being around him. I try to stay away from him as much as I can, usually in a separate room, avoid talking to him and coming near me is my reoccurring daily goal. I hate when he tries to touch me, kiss me or have sex with me.
It all started when he got back from deployment in March 2007. I bet everybody now thinks that poor guy was deployed and had to see a lot of crap, no he didn't see anything but a warehouse and airplanes everyday. His job his medical supply and supply, so he was ordering and unpacking things in the ware house all the time. Never any combat. Well he works with a lot of women in the Army to begin with and befriends them all the time, they call him, he calls them, they text, e-mail each other and that gets on my nerves and ****** me off, ever since it started years ago. He just doesn't care that it bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable, so I try to ignore it when he does it. Of course that really doesn't work. So while the ******* was deployed there was a rumor about him sleeping with this female soldier, which he denied. So when he got back and I picked him up with the kids, he looked like he was embarrassed as hell to see me there and it really hurt me. Everybody got a huge hug and kiss from there returning soldier and he just stood there. The next day I asked him if he had slept with that soldier and he just flipped the **** out, started yelling and just lost it, I never seen him like that before. A simple yes or no would have done it. Well his reaction was a guilty verdict for me and from there everything went down hill. He started treating me like **** and hurting me over and over again and that is when I began to hate him. I was dumb enough for almost a year to try to make this **** work with him blaming his behavior on the deployment and thinking maybe he had ptsd. The truth is he did not have ptsd, I guess he was just being caught in a uncomfortable situation and took his anger out on me. His excuse for his ******* behavior til this day is: " I told you about the rumor and then when I got back you accused me of cheating." NO, I did not accuse him, I simply asked if he did or did not sleep with her, because a year apart is a very long time. Since he acted like a ******* and got worse over the coming month I started to withdraw myself, after trying to make it work. So one day we had a talk before he went to school for about 6 weeks, that we would try to work on it. The ******* cheated on me down there and I found out, because I had this feeling that something wasn't right. I checked his myspace and his e-mails and BOOM there was the evidence. All along he acted like everything was fine and told me how much he loves and misses me all the time. When I confronted him over the phone, he lied and denied it all, only after I told him what I saw in his myspace messages and e-mails he admitted to talking to her and nothing else. Yeah right, how stupid do I look to him? She came to his Hotel and he wined and dined her ***, something he really never did with me. So he said he will not talk to her again. So Mr. ******* comes back from School and had to go to another School a week later and was still talking to her. Of course he changed his passwords for everything, but I had put a key logger on his laptop which e-mailed me all the logs and screen shots of his activity. Confronted again he lied, he just lied for I don't know how many months straight, fueling my hatred towards him more and more. To top it of a few months after his cheating someone send me pictures of him and her hugging like a couple to me. It was just not one picture but many, those pictures never left my mind, they are branded in it. He was shocked that I saw them and didn't even apologize then, no he acted even more like a cold hearted bastard. I can and will not ever forgive him for all that, because I sat at home taking care of our children for one year, keeping every ting together while he was deployed just to get treated like **** and cheated on.
We moved in June to Hawaii and wanted to make a new beginning, what a damn joke. He started talking to some chick on Tagged and of course lied about that too. Calling her, texting her so did she call and text him. Fueling my hatred even more then before. You want to know why I am still with him? Well I have been waiting for my green card for over 5 years (I am from Germany) and it just takes forever. Granted I could just go back home, but my oldest son is already in 8Th grade and has never been in a German School. I stay in this situation because of my children, even though deep down inside I know I need to leave. It is amazing how much we depend on those ******** sometimes.
I am at that point that I can't take this crap anymore. I hate his touch, kisses and all that. To top it of, if we do have sex all he thinks about is me getting gang banged and tells me that, grosses me the hell out.
I am so ready to leave, there has been so much more that happened and I just can't live with him anymore, I hate him so much that I wish he would die sometimes. Now we are about to go into a new year and it is time for me to finally live a happy life, instead of waisting my time with this idiot, plus he sucks a father big time.
I hate him.