He Makes Me Sick!

My husband just makes me sick, I can't stand being around him. I try to stay away from him as much as I can, usually in a separate room, avoid talking to him and coming near me is my reoccurring daily goal. I hate when he tries to touch me, kiss me or have sex with me.

It all started when he got back from deployment in March 2007. I bet everybody now thinks that poor guy was deployed and had to see a lot of crap, no he didn't see anything but a warehouse and airplanes everyday. His job his medical supply and supply, so he was ordering and unpacking things in the ware house all the time. Never any combat. Well he works with a lot of women in the Army to begin with and befriends them all the time, they call him, he calls them, they text, e-mail each other and that gets on my nerves and ****** me off, ever since it started years ago. He just doesn't care that it bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable, so I try to ignore it when he does it. Of course that really doesn't work. So while the ******* was deployed there was a rumor about him sleeping with this female soldier, which he denied. So when he got back and I picked him up with the kids, he looked like he was embarrassed as hell to see me there and it really hurt me. Everybody got a huge hug and kiss from there returning soldier and he just stood there. The next day I asked him if he had slept with that soldier and he just flipped the **** out, started yelling and just lost it, I never seen him like that before. A simple yes or no would have done it. Well his reaction was a guilty verdict for me and from there everything went down hill. He started treating me like **** and hurting me over and over again and that is when I began to hate him. I was dumb enough for almost a year to try to make this **** work with him blaming his behavior on the deployment and thinking maybe he had ptsd. The truth is he did not have ptsd, I guess he was just being caught in a uncomfortable situation and took his anger out on me. His excuse for his ******* behavior til this day is: " I told you about the rumor and then when I got back you accused me of cheating." NO, I did not accuse him, I simply asked if he did or did not sleep with her, because a year apart is a very long time. Since he acted like a ******* and got worse over the coming month I started to withdraw myself, after trying to make it work. So one day we had a talk before he went to school for about 6 weeks, that we would try to work on it. The ******* cheated on me down there and I found out, because I had this feeling that something wasn't right. I checked his myspace and his e-mails and BOOM there was the evidence. All along he acted like everything was fine and told me how much he loves and misses me all the time. When I confronted him over the phone, he lied and denied it all, only after I told him what I saw in his myspace messages and e-mails he admitted to talking to her and nothing else. Yeah right, how stupid do I look to him? She came to his Hotel and he wined and dined her ***, something he really never did with me. So he said he will not talk to her again. So Mr. ******* comes back from School and had to go to another School a week later and was still talking to her. Of course he changed his passwords for everything, but I had put a key logger on his laptop which e-mailed me all the logs and screen shots of his activity. Confronted again he lied, he just lied for I don't know how many months straight, fueling my hatred towards him more and more. To top it of a few months after his cheating someone send me pictures of him and her hugging like a couple to me. It was just not one picture but many, those pictures never left my mind, they are branded in it. He was shocked that I saw them and didn't even apologize then, no he acted even more like a cold hearted bastard. I can and will not ever forgive him for all that, because I sat at home taking care of our children for one year, keeping every ting together while he was deployed just to get treated like **** and cheated on.

We moved in June to Hawaii and wanted to make a new beginning, what a damn joke. He started talking to some chick on Tagged and of course lied about that too. Calling her, texting her so did she call and text him. Fueling my hatred even more then before. You want to know why I am still with him? Well I have been waiting for my green card for over 5 years (I am from Germany) and it just takes forever. Granted I could just go back home, but my oldest son is already in 8Th grade and has never been in a German School. I stay in this situation because of my children, even though deep down inside I know I need to leave. It is amazing how much we depend on those ******** sometimes.

I am at that point that I can't take this crap anymore. I hate his touch, kisses and all that. To top it of, if we do have sex all he thinks about is me getting gang banged and tells me that, grosses me the hell out.

I am so ready to leave, there has been so much more that happened and I just can't live with him anymore, I hate him so much that I wish he would die sometimes. Now we are about to go into a new year and it is time for me to finally live a happy life, instead of waisting my time with this idiot, plus he sucks a father big time.

I hate him.



evilflower evilflower
36-40, F
16 Responses Dec 14, 2008

I know his is old but you sound so much like me expect my husband cheated many times right after two months of marriage and he lied till the proof was in his face. I felt so betrayed and the way I feel now is nothing but anger and mistrust towards him. The thought of sex with him makes me sick

Update<br />
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I do have my green card since 2009. Great children, amazing friends and a good job. I decided to stay in Hawaii after my divorce is final in a few months.

good for you and wish me luck

Of course I do. Everyone deserves happiness and a great life. Good luck hun.

if your husband is in the military you should have gotten your green card alot sooner. Military wives get faster than other immigrants. Are you sure your husband has not hidden any paperwork from you.

I have it since 2009 and almost divorced.

good for you

oh darling, many parts and bits of your story resembles mine own... I am part of "my husband had an emotional affair"... yeah they will denies everything, till they are finally caught and cant lie anymore...

i feel exactly the same, it really hard to live with a pig, my huband is the same he works in a ship and there he flirt, and have sexual relationship with hus co worker, he doesnt even mind even if the woman his with us married or not, he don' respect me at all and is very very selfish, he wants everything in favor with him, hid addiction in **** doesnt lessen too, and even if we are out for dinner with our child he constantly seek attention and make an eye contact with women who is attracted to even if im in front of him, i despise him because he makes oyr lives miserable. and when he is at work abroad he doesnt give enough financial support and i juat found out that he ia spending a lot of money with those women his with.. and now im still dealing with all the #%%# he brought in this family specially now that he caught std, i dont know what to do , i told him to leave the house but he wouldnt and he hurts me physically everytime i bring things up on his face..i know he will never changed and im tired too the only thing that keeps me in to be with him is because of our beautiful daughter., i dont want her to grow up without a father but deep in my heart i dont love him anymore.. i hate him a lot for everything he did to me..

I'm truly sorry honey. Is he navy?

With the exception of a few details, I feel like I am reading my own story for the past 3 years with the deployment, cheating, anger etc. I stayed tongue him the benefit of the doubt. And now I'm stuck for financial reasons. He treats me like I owe him my life and all the sex he wants. But i feel so gross when he touches me. He has selective memory about the things he does or says and the way things happen. He is a cop now so that doesn't help. Just fuels his ego and anger issues even more. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find/found strength to do what is best. That what I am trying to do for myself now and my kids. Gotta leave the creep!

With the exception of a few details, I feel like I am reading my own story for the past 3 years with the deployment, cheating, anger etc. I stayed tongue him the benefit of the doubt. And now I'm stuck for financial reasons. He treats me like I owe him my life and all the sex he wants. But i feel so gross when he touches me. He has selective memory about the things he does or says and the way things happen. He is a cop now so that doesn't help. Just fuels his ego and anger issues even more. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find/found strength to do what is best. That what I am trying to do for myself now and my kids. Gotta leave the creep!

Ask God for help. If you trust him and obey him he can save you. Life is diferent with Jesus even if your husband don't change.Read your bible and pray if God change you he can save your marriage and help your kids. I used to have a lot of trouble with my husband and God help me.God bless you. <br />

I know that this was written 2 years ago, and that you might not read this. I wanted to write anyway.<br />
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.I hope that you found your peace of mind. It is truely disgusting that your husband could repeatedly cheat on you & your kids, and continue to lie to your face, even when evidence was presented.<br />
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I hope that you were able to sort out your immigration issues, and were successful in taking yourself & your kids out of that ugly mess of a situation, as no person should have to endure that type of treatment. Although I can sympathize as why you chose to stay. You had your reasons. <br />
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More than likely your husband was betting you wouldn't leave because of your issue regarding immigration. It 's evident that your husband has no intentions of stopping. He is one self centered B. And has no concern for what he is/was putting you through.<br />
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Hope you & your kids are doing good, and that your lives has changed for the better. You and your kids deserve a lot better than this moron.

If you do not have that card yet.....I recommend that you lawyer....and check out what your options are..... Were your children born here in the states????? Or on Base....If so t hey are Citizens.....and I do not think that you can be deported due to a break up of the marriage.....if they are citizens....As long as you have been married for a few years that is....<br />
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And in fact I think that even if the kids were born off base.....since he was stationed over seas...they are still citizens.....Check into it......If you do not have that card yet that is.....<br />
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He is a heel....better to get rid of him.....He makes all Soldiers look like scum....and as a Vet.....that makes me very pissed<br />
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By t he way.....I am female....and a Vet.....but never was treated like that

Holy **** I've never read a story like this before. I really hate your husband too. You wrote this so long ago, things must be different now, better I hope.

Guilty of doing this to my current gf :/ I feel very bad but I don't know if there is a simple solution to this.<br />
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Fact is she doesn't satisfy me sexually anymore. Sex with her is like sex with another guy... it doesn't turn me on too much. Whatever sexual connection we have is fueled by me fantasizing about more and more extreme acts. While a simple kiss from a girl of comparable attractiveness is enough to make me feel absolutely ecstatic and happy and sexually charged... nothing with her except the most extreme sexual behavior interests me. I absolutely love her but as far as sex is concerned it seems she'll never be able to satisfy me (it didn't use to be like this).<br />
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Sadly... Every other guy I know that's in a long term relationships feels the same way. They won't admit it outright because we all feel guilty about it but you can tell from the way they act. How the same things from another girl mean so much more. Most of them would even admit it. <br />
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I guess its the same with everything... when they're new and shiny you just can't get enough of it and with time you just get used to it and want to keep it a part of your life with minimal effort. Just how humans work but ends up in serious heartache when it comes to people.

ohh am in tears...coz my situation is almost the same

I'm so sorry for you and your troubles. We are different, yet the same. I stay with my husband because we are in debt and I could not leave right nw. Also, I worked frigging hard for the home we are in now, and it may be selfish, but why should my kids and my life suffer and be less because of this sloth? So I endure it, and most times just avoid him, and go in a separate room when we are both home, like today. He undermines my parental authority, so I try to find ways to stop it. I do not involve him in my life. I go out for lunch with the girls once a month to keep sane, and treat myself to a maincure/pedicure every other week. We have not had sex in 3 years as things became worse, and I don't miss it. At best it was always about him anyway. Our youngest is 15, so I'm biding my time. On the outside, we look like a normal family, but we do fight, and I know it affects the kids. I am trying not even to fight anymore, just exist and ignore for now. This website at least gives me an opportunity for venting......for yourself, how about going on your own to Hawaii's state senator's office and asking for help with your immigration status? Use his money and take some community college classes...do something for yourself. Even that manicure does wonders for me at least for the day. You do deserve a relationship with respect and love...we all do...

Oh, I feel for you...I know what that feels like...the douche-iness and the attitude meanwhile he's 100% wrong...

I truly feel for you. He sounds like a very selfish man. Part of him knows that you need your green card so it's like free reign to do whatever he wants because he knows you won't leave. I am sorry for you.