He Bullies Me

We have 5, that's FIVE kids and he still doesn't get me.....he did NOTHING for Valentine's Day, it was, as  usual, just another day.  I went out with our kids and killed time while he did work on the house.  I met another mom of 4 who's seeming to be very happy with her life (and her husband by her side).  He's totally supportive of the number of children they have and the choices she's made with home schooling.  She even wants more and he's okay with that!!  My husband criticizes me for so many things, and is adament not only about not having any more children but that I "manipulated" him into having the crew we have!!!!  Yes, I have gotten pregnant (twice) on the pill but somehow it's all my fault.  On the 9 PM drive home last night I was so sad and everything built up from the 13 years we've been together.  I vented this morning and told him I didn't want to go anywhere with him.  I told him I was going in the direction of divorce.  He actually pushed me out of the way and I fell!!!  He now is telling me via phone that I probably have told a bunch of people, manipulated what happened, and that he's going to invite his family to stay with us "to be witnesses."  Never mind that his mother and family for that matter have been completely unsupportive of both of us....he's saying this to scare me and shut me up.  He brings up things that have nothing to do with what happened, like my need to run everyday and how selfish it is (I'm up at 0500, get everything ready for the day and typically run 3-5 miles max before 0830 when he's up).  He is clearly NOT sorry for me falling/him pushing me and hung up from the cell phone several times when I'd try to call him back!  I'm at a loss.  He's threatened me that he'll do everything in his power to get custody of the kids and says that if I want to go I can just leave and he'll take over (he is not schedule-oriented at all and I manage all those details....I am also presently a stay-home mom)He doesn't seem to appreciate me at all and is not regretful when he just "invites" me to leave.  He says I can't handle being a mom when I talk about going back to work once a week to help with the finances and in need of a break (i.e. to get occasional help with the kids, I need finances, which I will earn to pay for it).  Oh, did I mention that I have an MD?????   So I'm dealing with a lot of struggle, have really no where to turn.  I tried speaking to my parents years ago, my mother's response was "every child needs a father" when I spoke of leaving him.  I'm at a loss.  If I do go I will be contending with a nasty child custody battle for my life, working full-time and not seeing my children as I need, and with little financial support.  Help!!!  How can I manage?  Can anyone glimpse at this and give me guidance on how I can change to make this work????Thanks for your help!.

seriousrunner seriousrunner
31-35
Feb 15, 2009