I Am Married To A Great Man...and I Hate Him

He friendly, nice, considerate, open minded, easy going, would do anything for me.   We have been together for 18 years now, since we were both in our mid 20's.    I hate that he will not even discuss selling our house. I hate that he still smokes.  I hate that he eats terribly unhealthy.  I hate that he has to drink beer every night before dinner. I hate that he will not eat dinner with me, because "i'm just gonna drink one more beer honey, then i will eat".  I hate his big fat flabby hairy disgusting beer belly, that he thinks is"hard as a rock".  I hate his uni brow. I hate the hair growing off his ears.  I hate  he thinks daisy duke shorts and cut off midriff tshirts are cool, not on a girl, but on him.I hate that his job always comes first.  I hate his mother.  I hate that he will not do anything to educate himself into a better job.  I hate that he has been paying child support for 18 years.  I hate his farts.  I hate his snoring.  I hate his job.   I hate his father. I hate that he needs me.  I hate that he is short.  I hate that he always asks.."do you miss me?  "  I hate that he moans and blows every time he gets off the couch.  I hate that he hasn't tried to have sex with me in months. Not that I want to have sex with him in the first place.  I hate his procrastination. I hate that he doesn't maintenance anything.  I hate that he says "what" to everything I say, even when he hears  me.  I hate that he doesn't listen to me.  I hate that he never asks me on a date.  I hate that he is slow to do anything, unless it involves his job.  Gag.  I suppose I just realized that I married a short fat man.

sallysuewho sallysuewho
41-45, F
18 Responses Mar 31, 2010

Perhaps things would be better if you were to divorce your husband because its obvious if you are so unhappy with him I would bet he is just as unhappy with you since you have many complaints about nearly every aspect of his life.

And how does he feel about you? Do you have a "smoking hot" body? Perhaps some of the things that you hate about him are inner projections of those character traits that you detest about yourself. Perhaps, but perhaps not. In any case, I suggest you ask yourself if you are happy in your marriage. If not, and if your husband refuses to do those things that would potentially make you happy, then perhaps you should do yourself and your husband a big favor and terminate the relationship.

Girlfriend I hear ya loud and ******* clear!! Just leave. It's harder to stay - I promise.

And how does he feel about you? Do you have a "smoking hot" body? Perhaps some of the things that you hate about him are inner projections of those character traits that you detest about yourself. Perhaps, but perhaps not. In any case, I suggest you ask yourself if you are happy in your marriage. If not, and if your husband refuses to do those things that would potentially make you happy, then perhaps you should do yourself and your husband a big favor and terminate the relationship.

I felt as if you were reading my mind regarding my feelings toward my husband...It was really eerie. To bad we can't be friends and have venting dates. I do think we would both feel more upbeat about facing life in prision if we knew the other person endured the same fate.

every woman comes to dis point sooner or later. mayb u can get aa transfer to nodr city n have a distant reln with him, dat way u won't hav to c him at his worst evrytime

so what is so great about him then?

Are you sure he is not depressed? If that is the case, maybe what he needs is your help and not to be criticized and told he is worthless. I don't know you or him, but a lot of men don't like to admit things like having problems with depression so maybe you should considerate looking into that.

I doubt he's depressed. I think he sounds like a fat, lazy, slob without any cares or ambition at all.

I hate that my husband forgets all priorities to hang out with friends. When he cleans something its only half a job done and I have to finish it. Half the time he won't clean at all even when he offers so I can go to bed early. He sits on the computer or hangs outside with friends till he's so tired he can't get it done. I like to wake up in the morning to a clean kitchen to make breakfast for my children, if I want it clean I have to do it myself if he offered to do it. I can't understand why he offers if he has no intention of doing the dang job. I use to be really easy to get along with and he's turned me into a raging ____. He put on a show when we dated and not long after we married he became an ignorant fool who embarrasses me constantly. I won't even go to church anymore because of him. I try to tell myself its because we don't have any personal times since are 3 kids are 5 and under and we do not ever get to go out, but I can't help but feel that I hate him. He never puts anything away after using it so darn annoying. So I feel the same as the lady above but I only have 5 years invested.

get a divorce ?<br />
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thats what u shouldv done a long time ago if thats what u feel ..<br />
if u didnt consider that ,it means u have hope that he'll change what he has always been (all those yrs) ,which also means ...well ..hate to tell u this .. u still love him

sallysuewho, I totally understand where you are coming from, let me explain, I love my wife as a human being and as a mother of the 4 wonderful children she gave me. I hate that the woman that says she is "my mate" cant accept when I buy her a very nice dress-she returns it. I hate when I give her roses (for no reason) she tells me "they die why waste". I hate when the only major cleaning is done by me. In short I hate I'm alone. You have the right to receive at least what you are giving in a marriage! If hubby does not love himself enough to better his life it is very doubtful that he loves you as a wife, sex partner, someone to be close to and share "themselves" with. In my opinion you are right on with what you "hate". I had some self inflicted issues when I met my wife and I had to make a choice. I chose her, unfortunately I do wonder what I have done. I wouldn't take up what I gave up though. As a man wouldn't want a fat, beer belly, lethargic, farting woman, I can only imagine sleeping what you have to sleep beside every night. Couch would look very attractive about now. Mine folds to a double ;)

You are still you my Deaar......Just open up the door....and walk through it....<br />
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But I do know what you are saying.....I have come to the point...that to me I have no Husband.....But I do have a Partner....and in the Military it was drilled into me that you never leave you partner behind.....So I guess that i am stuck.....But maybe one day...he will be my Husband once more....But after all this time I fear not.....<br />
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Alas....I just take one day at a time...Until I can provide for myself.....Or he can provide for himself...and leave me to the Grand-kids.....For they are what makes my day complete now....Like he did Once Upon a time...Long...Long ago

From my experience I tryed to think I could save my marriage and change the man i was with into the loving partner I needed and wanted.Day and night it was like living with a fridge ,he had very little to give physically or emotionally and always put me down,critisising everything I did..It did not work after years of heart ache I stopped trying to change him as according to him he had no problems I was the one with the problem.<br />
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And how right he was I learnt through thearapy you can not change the other person as you have no control over what they do,but you have control how you deal with it. and choose to change yourself.Has my husband said I was the one with the problem not him.So I choose to walk out and leave him.The worst part was I not only hated him for what he was doing but began to hate myself for tolerating him.

You know, I think you have inspired me...I feel just about the same way. There are a few differences but in general I feel the same. You are not alone.

is he an alcoholic who you can not change? good guy but not going anywhere or doing anything because of the all important beer? i know from experience you cant change anything abotu him until he wants to. im praying for you. you do deserve happiness. try everything you can before you wak away so you can walk away with a clear heart and not angry.

Sallysue-I feel so bad about your anger. I hate to assume anything about you or your relationship, but it seems you've reached the point where you realize that the only person you can control is yourself.<br />
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Sounds like you're already focused on your own education and self-improvement, which is excellent, and understand that your husband is not willing to improve himself. The question is, are you willing to stay with your husband in his current state knowing you can't change him?

Oh...but I do hate all those things about him and honestly you are assuming a lot of things Midnight. And as for marrying too young...well, we lived together for 6 years before we were married, so i do not think i rushed into anything. And i just had a five day vacation from him, plus he works out of town and is not home four nights out of seven. I've told him I want to move, I leave literature about quitting smoking, I suggest he eat healthier food, I ask him to eat dinner with me, I've ask him to check out the community college classes, i've told him to fart outside or at least in another room, i've told him he looks like crap in daisy dukes...etc. I take a new class every semester, read, research and learn new things, cook a different recipe every week. what i hate...is him. and what needs to happen is for him go grow up.

You don't hate all those things about him. What you hate is you cannot turn back time and change you married so young. Like a common routine, you become fed up with the same disgusting acts. What you need is a break. A time away, a vacation. You need new interests for yourself. Learn to play an instrument, find new music, learn something new. Anything that will spice your mood and try and share it with him. You must be cautious though because if weeks go by and your frustration grows you must sit with him and be clear. Do not hint. That is a big mistake many marriages make. Hinting what the problem is and the other assumes something else and all it causes is friction. Be honest. If you need time to prepare yourself then find it within yourself and do it. Best of luck.