I'm Scared

The stress in my life is so bad now that I can't deal with it. My mom is in the hospital, my uncle is an ******E, and I can't take the pain and stress anymore. I've never cut before now, but something in me snapped and I cut my wrist tonight.

The cuts are shallow and don't really hurt, but I'm ashamed. I'm 27 (28 next Saturday) and I live with my parents. I work part time and I'm really close to my parents but my self esteem is so low now that I'm afraid I'll do something really drastic. I actually tried taking a whole bunch of my mother's prescription pills because I didn't want to deal with anything anymore but they didn't work other than making me really tired and killing my appetite. We're behind on three months of rent and my uncle found out. He's on a warpath and rightfully so; since Mom got sick I've been in charge of her expenses and I screwed up. We owe three months of rent (roughly $6000) and we don't have it. I know where a LITTLE of it went (expenses like bills and trying to get around by taxi since I don't drive as well as some VERY IRRESPONSIBLE purchases I made online) but not all of it. I've given up my own paychecks to help out so I have nothing. I feel worthless.

I need help but I don't want people knowing how bad it's gotten. They'll think I'm pathetic and that I suck with responsibility. If we get thrown on the street my parents will hate me and never want to see me again. I don't know what to do. I'm scared out of my mind.
jaydedjen110 jaydedjen110
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 9, 2012

My uncle's been taking all the money I'm trying to save up for the rent so I can't budget anything because I don't have anything.

I am 22 now. I used to cut from 15 to about 18 and once recently. I have been recently hotipalized for those actions. Believe me it is not worth the scars and all the hiding from people. Im sick of looking at them everyday. Long sleeves in the summer, cmon man. I recommend "Mindfullness" when you get worked up a bit. Also sounds like you should definitely sit down and chart out your expenses. Maybe pick up a copy of Quicken but at least on paper. Helps tremendous. And all keep receipts. Ben doing it myself for about 2 years now. Then its ok to spoil yourself when you see in your "mIne" folder. I made that one to auto deduct a % of paychecks and any income into this account. Small and takes time to build up but its sweet when it does. Hope it gets better. Hit me up if you wanna talk more about it.