:'(

i used to cut to get rid of the stresses i have and also as a coping strategy.  however this stopped working for me about a year ago yet i still cut my self but it doesn't make me feel happy anymore so i have stopped eating or only having 1 meal a day but never finish it all as i feel to fat.

i hate my self so much i hate how fat i am and how i cant even kill myself as people always find me at just the right time. Gggrrr

deleted deleted
26-30
5 Responses Mar 16, 2009

this desire to mark our pain indelibly on our flesh is a fetish , once ritual is done pain is gone, its pure , its ours and its pull is so strong . i deserve it , i deserve the pure clean ecstasy of the blade, the deliverance , the pain, then .. the shame, hiding my pain once again long sleeves . would you believe its been 5 yrs since i cut , i guess you can tell sometimes its still there. my heart goes to you all . me i got sick of paying for other peoples ****. one day on the bus a girl stood by me, on her legs was a complex web of scars deep keliod scars in a pattern like a block paved drive , i can still see them. i looked at her with her baby and i cried for he pain each of those precise and deep cuts represented. i dont want the world to see my apin any more and somehow i got control of the urge. when no one will acknowledge yr pain cutting id such an easy way for us to force the issue. it doesnt work .keep the faith .Tx

I know what you're going through as I am going through it myself. I started cutting in the 7th grade so about three years ago... Almost four years, as I will be a JR. this coming up fall. I started when I had to start taking care of my family, I was a 13 year old taking care of 8 year olds, and a 12 year old. Doing things that an adult should do. Like cooking, getting kids ready for bed, cleaning, staying up till 1A.M doing my own homework I just couldnt deal with it, and just checked out of life. it was my "escape" <br />
One cut turned into another.. in my head just saying one more wont do a thing. but as i did it more.. it started to get deeper. the deeper i went the more it felt better. i got to the point where i was doing it for hours and hours.. and ever night. hiding it from my family. and just pretending everything was okay. they didnt find out till 2 years later.<br />
i still cut... and once you start im telling you YOU CANT STOP.. THERES NO WAY OUT.. ITS LIKE AN ADDICTION.. ITS MY DRUG... <br />
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to all of you that are thinking about it.. PLZ DONT.. <br />
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watch these videos they might help you<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0j11r9_ZvU&feature=related<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvLP628Jhgo<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8nF3shZaLQ&NR=1<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceqo_XpEUwk&feature=related<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC9xVIYU8y8&feature=related<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucz7ZNhNS8Y&feature=related<br />
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these are all videos about cutting.. plz watch them and you will be amazed at how ur not alone...<br />
i hope that my story can inspire ppl to not self injure. and juss keep the blades away cuz once u start.. its EXTREMELY HARD TO STOP

I've gone through the same thing, honestly. I used to be suicial too and I've actually gotten to the point where I had to go to the ER to get stitches to pretty much sew my hands back on. <br />
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You will get over the anorexia sort of thing and the cutting-- it took me three years, and I still cut on occasion. <br />
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The way I got to stop was I went to visit a mental hospital and I saw a bunch of people that were so much worse off than me and it made me realize that I actually didn't have it that bad. I also have a best friend that made me realize that if I left this world, I'd be missed and I'd hurt people if I committed suicide. <br />
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That has happened to me also ( someone walked in on me when I was about to do it) which showed me that there really is no good time for suicide....<br />
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I understand that you don't know me but I know how much help any support can be, and if you would like to talk, I'll be on later :)

True enough, Your weight and cutting are the only things you feel that you can control in your life right now.<br />
It's really not the way to go. <br />
Killing yourself will hurt other people? think about your family, and what you'd put them through..<br />
I understand that you may be stressed and wanting to focus your pain somewhere else. But the best thing you can do is get come help to sort these stressors, so that you can live a normal, happy life. <br />
It might be extremely difficult at first, but it will get easier. but you have to want to make things better for yourself.

You have to stop that !! if you hate your body then it will hate you. You will tear yourslf apart trying to find you !!<br />
You ... YOU are right there. <br />
your hands on the keyboard typing everything you want them to ... your hands they wipe your tears... they will do what you want.<br />
dont look at you. look at your hands. Control them. look at you hands that will do anything for you .. they will put food in your mouth and buy you things. <br />
look at them !! look hard.<br />
Stop watching them do things to you and take control.<br />
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You are in control. <br />
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You are needed here. think about it.