Psychopath Mother

Shes actually the one who asked i'd cut her out of my life about a year ago. She probly didnt want to stick around when I went to therapy and recoverered most of my childhood memories. When I was 15 months old, she ''pimped'' me to an old man, for 7 years, she used to drug me with Tempra (baby Tylenol), cough sirup and Rhum chocolate so I would sleep thru it. I wouldnt be surprised if she was hiding in a closet watching the whole thing.. I use to wake up and feel stared at, as a kid, you create walls, you kinda seperate your body from your soul so it doesnt dammage you as much, so I programmed my mind to see my ''mother'' as a black cat with evil eyes, even to this day I have very clear memories of me at 2-3-4 years old, with that cat that would always be there whenever I woke up in the middle of the ''night'' (I mean whenever I was put to sleep) Funny fact is, we never had a cat. She tried to kill me numerous times as a kid and growing up.. Last time was 2 year ago, I was left for dead in a garbage container,''someone'' (I'm assuming) found me and carried my body miles away, to a Church, where they left me on the steps (I'm assuming). I clearly remember being thrown in the bin and left there to ''die''. I constantely have nightmares about what happened and what I ''experienced'' while ''passed out''... But that's a whole other story which i'm not very comfortable elaborating on quite yet. I was beaten to ''nearly'' death as someone videotaped the whole scene from a parked car in an alley. All I can remember is that 2 people were sitting in the front and between them 2 was that red flashing light.
In the past she has tried to drown me in the tub, made me overdose on pills, left me to freeze outside then threw me in the tub filled with hot water, tried to drown me, told me about suicide when i was only 4 -5 trying to teach me how to do her dirty work myself. All those years of messin' around with my central nervous system by repeatively shutting it down like that caused Multiple Sclerosis. My neurologist says I am at a stage of my disease where I experience symptoms of someone who's been having it for 15 to 20 years. Im 28.. So anyways, to get back to the topic.. About 3 months ago, I stopped at her house with all the pride and strenght Ive been accumulating over the past couple years, and told her crazy *** I didnt want nothing to do with her and her sick daughter (my ''sister'', which also molested me as a kid). She knows I know but she doesnt know how much I know and its scaring the crap out of her and hopefully one day she will pay for what she's put me and my kids thru. The best closure for me would be that she gets interned in a psychiatric institution and have to live with herself and what shes done for the rest of her miserable life. Knowing her, she would commit suicide first chance she would get if she knew game was over. Ive been asking for guidance and strenght from up above to show me the way to do things right so me and my kids can live the life we so truely deserve. Im one step closer to inner peace since i've burned the bridges between me and ''my family'', which allows me to focus on what's coming next and not what happened. Its been hard, even after all the abuse, suffer, psychological dammage she's done to me, for what seemed to last months, I was in a phase where I wanted to forgive her and move on with my life, but I can't get over the fact that my then 4 and a half year old daughter said in therapy that she (and I quote) ''saw Mama dead dead dead again in the garbage''. Very hard to bare as a mother.. I now dedicate my life to be happy, to love and be loved, to believe in myself and to keep us away from any toxic people in our life. Im grateful everyday for having been strong and I feel blessed to having been awakened. My life has changed for the best.
Rheanna28 Rheanna28
26-30, F
2 Responses May 9, 2012

omg girl! my eyes are still tearing reading about your childhood. your so strong and amazing. i wish u the best with everything. you have given my strength..

I hope you will come and talk okay?