Is There Other People Out There Like Me???

when things get to hard for me to handel i cut my self or hurtmy self it started when i was 15 yrs. old istill do it if i'm feeling really dawn or if i really messed up that day i just get the urge to hurt my self it scaries me bacouse i'm affraid that one day i will go to fare and hurt my self really bad and have to be taken to the hosptal or ii might accdently going to fare and e end my life on accdent nobody knows adout this. I KNOW I HAVE A LOUGHT OF PROBLEMS I'M SORRY IF YOU ALL ARE TIRED OF HEAR FROM ME. but i've never opened up like this before to anyone bacouse i was scared that that would make fun of me or say that makes me a unstadle mom thats why i'm going to get hilp for my kids.people alreadythink i'm slow a little.
halfpint halfpint
26-30, M
8 Responses May 8, 2007

I started when I was 15....and I had stopped til last night, when things got really rough again. Stay Strong.

i cut.. im 15.. your not alone

I have cut my self in the past. Mostly due to stress and anger. It is a great relief. It seems strange, but I never cut too much, or too deep, and I think that is "harmless". I'm not suicidal, and have realized I enjoy tattoos (I am almost covered!) but there is still that urgency to do it now and then. I have no intension of stopping, unless it led to suicidal thoughts. I'm overall a happy, cheerful and outgoing person, I just like to cut... Scars fascinate me immensely.

Its best to stop before the suicidal thoughts, and when you cut it releases endorphins in your brain, pain killers, you'll get addicted.

I hit myself. Been a problem since maybe I was eight years old. My father was an abusive alcholic and the kids at school hated me so I think I learned to be hard on myself at an early age because other people were hard on me. Sometime I just can't take it anymore; my life has been SO hard and I just can't believe I was stupid enough to come here, so stupid to think this life was even remotely a good idea. I have wanted to die so many times, begged god to let me die but if there is one thing god is not it's merciful. The last 13 years have been particularly horrid there seems to be no end to the suffering and misery in sight. I lost my job, my unemployment, my apartment, no income for almost a year now. This IS my last life I am not doing this anymore; I am not doing this anymore I am not doing this anymore I am NOT doing this anymore. Any time I think something is going to go right for me something else bad happens. How do you love someone who just hurts you ALL the time? If I had a boyfriend that treated me the way god does people would says he's awful and to leave him; but god treats people like **** all the time; even good people and that's supposed to be okay-your reward is when you die. But that's not good enough IMO. That's why the world is so screwed up. Instead of karma we need instant karma so people know what they're getting the **** beat out of them for instead of becoming hopeless. Karma that fulfills itself in ONE lifetime. God is stupid and I try not to but I sometimes I hate him for giving me this life and I hate myself for being dumb enough to take it.

i cut as well but i find that i like it. i like seeing my blood gush out of my wrists. idk why but i just do. i think im actually going insane. i cut more and more and i have no control over how deep it goes anymore. i just dont care if i die or not.

i cut myself...and it releases my pain. i know how u feel. i have stopped, and im only 13. i dont know if i will do it again. when u feel like cutting urself talk to a friend or write about it in a diary, it helps me.

hello halfpint, you're a very brave mom by coming out to talk about how you feel. You're aware that cutting yourself is very dangerous and want to get help for it, and you want to do this for your kids also :)<br />
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I respect you a lot for this, it can't be easy talking to people about this but I'm glad you are.<br />
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Be around supportive people, do things you enjoy. I haven't cut before but I can get frustrated often but instead I take it out on the punching bag hehe. Perhaps try and free your mind from feeling down all the time, and channel that urge to cut yourself by exercising instead or doing something you enjoy each time you feel you down. Just get up and dance with no one around, play or sing to your favorite song. <br />
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I know getting advance from someone online isn't recommended especially if I'm not trained to but just going for a walk at your own pace, breathe deeply etc may help you resist that urge.<br />
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I think you can find comfort in talking to a counsellor or a doctor about how you feel and they'll hear you out. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to just be there and understand for you to start feeling much more relieved and not alone.<br />
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Stay strong and things will fall into place, you've already taken the first few steps which are not easy!

I just want you to know that you are not alone. My best friend is a cutter. We never spoke about it until it started to get really bad and noticable on her lower arms. Then I talked to her about it and when she would get the urge she would call me first and tell me how she was feeling. This usually helped her a little bit and most of the time. But one day she did take it to far and used a carpenters knife to do it. Cutting almost to the bone without realizing it. She refused to go to the hospital. Instead we cleaned her up and butterflied her cuts. Tried the best we could. She bled for 3 days straight. And now has scars on both arms that run from her wrists up to her elbows. We were finally able to convince her to seek treatment. She is doing really well and I believe has only cut herself a few times in the past 3 and a half years. I myself am a picker. Stress and anxiety sends me into a self mutilating frenzy. I have no control over it. But I will pick at myself, all over my face and body, until it bleeds. Then sometimes even after I am bloody I will continue to dig at the same spot until its a big mess. Its a relief to me. To inflict pain on myself and to see me bleed. Its a struggle of control in our minds. Its the one thing we have total control over. And sometimes I am so numb that to see myself bleed reminds me that I am still alive. My question is always, if I am alive why do I feel so empty and numb? Does everyone feel like this or just the mentally challenged like myself?<br />
Hang In There!!