Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Handle With Care

"People always want to know what it feels like, so I’ll tell you: there’s a sting when you first slice, and then your heart speeds up when you see the blood, because you know you’ve done something you shouldn’t have, and yet you’ve gotten away with it. Then you sort of go into a trance, because it’s truly dazzling—that bright red line, like a highway route on a map that you want to follow to see where it leads. And—God—the sweet release, that’s the best way I can describe it, kind of like a balloon that’s tied to a little kid’s hand, which somehow breaks free and floats into the sky. You just know that balloon is thinking, Ha, I don’t belong to you after all; and at the same time, Do they have any idea how beautiful the view is from up here? And then the balloon remembers, after the fact, that it has a wicked fear of heights. 
When reality kicks in, you grab some toilet paper or a paper towel (better than a washcloth, because the stains don’t ever come out 100 percent) and you press hard against the cut. You can feel your embarrassment; it’s a backbeat underneath your pulse. Whatever relief there was a minute ago congeals, like cold gravy, into a fist in the pit of your stomach. You literally make yourself sick, because you promised yourself last time would be the last time, and once again, you’ve let yourself down. So you hide the evidence of your weakness under layers of clothes long enough to cover the cuts, even if it’s summertime and no one is wearing jeans or long sleeves. You throw the bloody tissues into the toilet and watch the water go pink before you flush them into oblivion, and you wish it were really that easy."
― Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care
somethingbecomingnothing somethingbecomingnothing 18-21, F 8 Responses Feb 13, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Thank you!
I cut myself once because I had a friend who cut herself and I wanted to knwo how it feels.
And after I cut myseld I knew It felt totally differtent than she feels. And I know I will never feel the same as she feels. So cutting myself is useless ...
Greetings, Chris

yes i agree on what u said also. thanks =>

First of all I want to thank you for turning me onto such a great book Once I started reading I couldn't put it down. It was such a sad story that incorporated bulimia and cutting with such an accurate discription to the way it really feels that just left me speachless. I really connected with Amelia throught the book. The only parts I didnt like *Spoilers if you havent read the book* (a) was Amelia being sent of to the bulimia camp. It really got under my skin but years ago I had been admited to a psychiatric ward and that was just such a ******* missirable experience I came out worse than going in and Amelia was portraied as an almost full if not fully recovered from "help" from those Nazi ******. (but to each there own I guess. Not trying to say it can't happen just that It was the only part I couldn't relate to. She could have done it by herself or with the support of her family.) (b) Willow drowns under they ice. I see it as showing us Willow was living life without fear that despite her horrible disability. That she was still a normal little girl who died a normal death. A beacon of hope and strength that everyone should live there lives without the constant fear of being hurt or we will miss out on our lives even the small things so many of us take for granted. Though it left me feeling really depressed never the less.

ohmygod i loved the book. i got in trouble so amny times for reading it in class. i also connected with amelia. jodi picoult is one of my favorite athours ever! i can also relate the being hospitalized. i absolutely hated it. i think it was irrational that she got better right away. that doesnt happen in real life especially with bulimia. it was an amazing story nonetheless. i seriously cried through the whole ******* thing. i love it...

Another book I feel I just have to recommend is: "Willow by Julia Hoban" it is another fantasic book about a girl named Willow who strugles with cutting. I really didnt want it to end but I'm also very happy about how the author chose to end the novel. Its what I'm reading now for the sixth time. If you have trouble finding an online copy p.m. me and I'll send you a copy of mine.

"It's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body..."

i dont know what to do. i feel great when i saw the blood earlier, even though i ust made 5 small cuts of about 1cm each, and i felt like what i imagine being high feels like but its about an hour later and they are really raised and red. this was my first time cutting as usually i scratch myself till i bleed and i dont know how to cover them up. any tips? im incredibly pale so i cant use concealer like normal peole.<br />
tanith, 13

you poor thing! I felt that way after i first cut. I have never used concealer. I just make sure that I treat it (like a normal cut: antibacterial ointment, gauze, etc...) and cover it with a long sleeve shirt or jacket until it heals enough. I recently started wearing long sleeves and jackets full time though, because I moved in with my parents and they don't know I started again....actually only ppl here know.

thats actually the best desc<x>ription of it evr....ik other ppl hv said the same but it really is. its kinda scary cuz i nvr completely realized it before....

I know the feeling of what you posted as well. This sounds like a really good, and accurrate book about cutting. Many of the books about cutting are not accurrate and they exaggerate us cutters to be more of a freak than we actually are which just ****** me off. But yes, I will admit that I feel the same way that the excerpt from that book is EXACTLY how I feel as well. :/ Its a horrible way to feel though. :(

I've never felt sick from this until I read your story. I was really into it.<br />
<br />
Ezekiel/Chaff<br />
Add me if you want to be buddies.

I'm embarrassed to say that I was just feeling exactly what you posted..it does feel like that and I want to stop.

this us an except from the book Handle With Care and I was shocked at how well she put this into words. because it's just
so ******* accurate. I love it.

Yes, sad to say before reading that I was feeling exactly what she was describing...it's crazy how right she is.