The Scary Truth

Today is May 6, 2012. I've come to realize something very scary. I have been cutting since October 9, 2011, and since then i have made a total of 158 cuts. All those wounds in such a short time. Within the first 2 months i had made 77 cuts. This truth scares me very much. I never knew it was so out of control...All of those cuts had reasons behind them, a story if you will. But looking back, i am still so shocked. I recently cut again. I broke another razor and took a blade to both of my wrists, just to feel a release. The blade bit deep. Sadly, to me, not deep enough. The cuts went all the way across my wrists. I sometimes wish that those cuts would've gone deeper. My dad said he was gonna get me help, but that has still yet to happen, just like everything else he   has said he'd do. I will never get the help he said he'd get. Maybe if the cuts had gone deeper, then i'd feel better. I don't know. But here is the even scarier truth. I am no longer scared to cut in front of people, or with them near me. I no longer need to be alone in order to do it. I've cut with a pencil in school, at my boyfriends house while his back was turned, playing games. I've even used a little pocket knife...It no longer matters who sees, who knows. The cuts and scars are there for any and all to see and i can't change that. I just frankly don't care anymore. And that scares me. I refuse to be a victim to myself anymore, and i do know this. I will no longer cut, for fear that i will end up, one day, taking my life. I just need strength now, to get me through.. 
weepingblood21 weepingblood21
18-21, F
6 Responses May 6, 2012

Why do u have to cut yourself ? U can fight this .. ! Believe in urself .. ! <3 luv ya . TAKE CARE

if you want to be feel better you take wisky , wine etc drink it than you feel better ,<br />
dont cut yourself again promise me ok i have more problem i take 180ml wisky every night and than i enjoy ..........hahah

wow that seems out of control ... get some help dear.... u will be fine... i know what u mean...

Hope u feel and get better! I cut myself too so I know what ur talking about <br />
so i hope u do get better! :)

Don't give up u can beat this. U should try to find help. I did. I'm much better. Hope u feel better.

Good luck and take one day at a time and if you do t again it's okay just pick yourself back up an Truro stop again i have been thought the same thing