Day 4

Today is day 4 that i haven't cut..day 4..i never thought that'd actually be a huge deal..i guess i didn't think i was so addicted to the freeing feeling..and i can tell you i'm addicted..i'm fightin the urge to cut with everything i have..there isn't even a reason anymore..it just became my bed time rutine..i've had a hard time sleeping and i feel like i'm missing something..

Don't get me wrong i'm thrilled i've made it this far but at the same time..i don't want to make it any farther..i want to cut..i want to let it all go and feel that release..i know i can't..that i have to stay strong..but what if i can't? what if i slip up and fall back? i have people counting on me not doing it again..i can't really let myself fall back to doing it..

I can't be that burden to my friends anymore..i know how they feel..i've felt the same way..i've become that burdening friend that always has issues..they say the love me but i'm not sure that they really want to hear about this all the time.

ok i'm going to stop now this went from a happy yay day 4 story to a panic i want to cut story..
bachoodaylilly bachoodaylilly
22-25, F
4 Responses May 11, 2012

your friends should understand that everyday is a struggle and just be happy for every day that you don't and be there for you when you do.

I do too.

i really hope they do..

Be strong. I'm fighting these urges too. We can do this. I am having withdrawals as well. It'a hard but if we keep fighting maybe one day these urges will go away.