Just Want To Be Myself

I messed up and i know i did, but i'm not sure what i can do to fix it. My cousin and i were hanging out having a few drinks getting somethings off our chest, that was when my fone went off and my supposed best friend called me an alcholic even tho she drinks much more and much more offten than i do. Later that night i got so feed up with her that i deleted her from my fone my facebook and i havn't talked to her in almost a week, when we couldn't go more than a few hours with out talking to each other. She was already mad at me when she found out that i was cutting myself again. That night my cousin left and i didn't know what to do with myself.

So i went to the bathroom and i found a razor no one had used and broke it apart and took off one of the razors, i knew i couldn't cut my arm so i slid the razor across my leg a few times, and one time to many one time to hard one time to deep. I didn't realize till the next morning but i'm sure i should have gotten stiches because i could see yellow fatty tissue and i started bleeding everytime i moved to much to fast, which included all night while i was asleep.

i havn't cut again after that so far i want to stop so bad but i havn't been myself latly, fighting with my friends, my grades in school are nowhere near where they should be or where they were,i have been drinking more offten not to crazy tho, and i had sex with a guy i dont know. Thats just the last week and a half, i'm not sure what is goin on with me or what to do i don't want to cut but i want to feel like myself again. Someone i havn't felt like sience i stoped.
toliver5050 toliver5050
18-21, F
May 13, 2012