The Luckiest Girl In The World... And Dieing Inside

I cut... Not much but I do... When I feel really alone... When I am angry at myself for spending a whole day binging and purging... It scares me... But at the same time I love it... like vomiting... But I just want to feel normal... To be able to love myself as much as everyone else does... To feel content... I has everything in the world a person could want... So why do I hurt so much inside?? :'-(
Onedayiwillgetthere Onedayiwillgetthere
18-21, F
4 Responses May 17, 2012

Perfectionist definitely describes me. I do have that need to be perfect and I know that I can never reach that....and so i punish myself....I have all these horrible feelings and thoughts about myself and i need to let them out somehow. I see myself opposite to how others do...I can stop the cutting, stop the vomiting but I just cant change those thoughts....

I have love, a wonderful family, I was college Dux, people like me and many look up to me but no one knows how much of a mess I am. I feel like a fake. I'm not saying I'm unhappy with my life. I thank god I'm so lucky for all I have. But I hate myself. I don't see what others see in me. I know that no one who knows me could say something bad about me but I put myself down all the time. I dont need acceptance from others, i need acceptance from myself. I am my own worst enemy and I dont know why or how I can accept myself and love myself. I want to but I can't. I try but always fail

Yes do you have the love?

Hmm thats a good question you should be happy.... try to resist the urges that triggers your onset of such things...