The Blood

I have recently started cutting myself again, its just a way to escape the pain for a little while instead of going to drugs.. My life is full of addictions, cutting, drugs, sex and many more. All of it is to make me feel good.. I guess thats all I look for, I am sick of carrying all of this pain in my heart. I need someway to rid myself of it all. Cutting is different than drugs, sex and all the other addictions.. Cutting is more of a way for me to know I am alive, the very moment I see the blood and the sharp pain I feel, I realize that I am alive and this isnt just a bad dream.. The blood is what I like, to just watch it run down my body.. After everything is over I feel a little high, I really dont think its a high just a feeling of relief.. Cutting is more than that though, I had attempted to kill myself.. I didnt cut across I went up and down I got the spot the first time, but when all of the blood was rushing out I felt something I cant explain it though, but it made me want to go back and not do it. Blood was everywhere, it looked like a murder scene when he found me.. It was the only time that I attempted suicide and was happy to open my eyes..
imperfectbeauty imperfectbeauty
18-21, F
1 Response May 25, 2012

I'm on the verge of cutting again myself.